This letter is about little feminism, purses, and lunch on Tuesdays. Not in that order. Enjoy it while I go dig up my old Women's Studies papers.
Q: Dear Meredith,
I'm a 25 year old attorney who graduated from Suffolk Law last year and hopes to get into politics some day. Aside from my career aspirations I am desperately looking for a girl who I can sweep off her feet and live happily ever after. I mean, I have never had a problem finding pretty girls and have always been a sucker for intellectuals like myself. But what I have found repeatedly is that I always run into two types of women; the feminist types who hate being treated like a lady (hold doors, pay for dinner, walk on the outside of the curb, etc) and put their careers before anything or anyone else. Then there are the girls who use me because I have a good career and are only interested in what I can do for them (concerts, purses, jewelry, all within 3 weeks of the relationship) but never get emotionally attached.
I have always called myself a hopeless romantic because I believe that for all the money in the world it is only as good as the one you can share it with. More or less, I want to love and be loved. I want to take a walk, look at the stars, and get lost in the moment. I want to make a girl a romantic dinner and go out for ice cream. A girl who I can bring lunch to at work just because it's a Tuesday. A girl who likes it when little notes are left in her car and apartment Ė just to brighten her day.
Meredith, I don't consider myself clingy (40 hours work week + as a attorney) I am just someone who is looking for the real deal and not just a facade of love. You know?
Where are these girls, the ones who want to truly love and be loved? The ones who measures life not in minutes, money, or promotions but in moments? Is it that in the politically correct world we live in today is there finally no room for a hopeless romantic?
Lost Without Love, Boston
A: LWL, you're a hopeless romantic? Really?
I assume you grew up watching romantic comedies. I blame romantic comedies for making people think theyíre supposed to immediately sweep someone (or be swept) off their feet for no good reason.
Iím all for feet-sweeping, but that should be the second or third step in any good relationship. The first step is really getting to know someone as a peer.
My guess is that the women who arenít letting you pay for their dinners (the dreaded feminists!) are put off by your approach. Your immediate push for romance seems disingenuous -- and Iím pretty sure it is.
My advice: When you meet a woman, really talk to her. No lines. No notes. Just real talk. Then, if you really like her -- and respect her --- you can take her for ice cream or whatever it is you want to do. Romance means so much more when you actually know the person youíre dating. It doesn't sound like you get far enough with these women to know whether there's any real connection.
And whatever you do, cut it out with the anti-feminist talk. Itís ridiculous. You say you want to find a woman who wants to be treated like a lady. Most women want to be treated like a human. Think about how youíd want to be treated and behave accordingly. Be a friend.
Perhaps dating a fellow lawyer would work. Salary and time spent at work would probably be equal. Youíd be able to see through each otherís posturing. Youíd have something real in common. Just a thought.
Readers? Are women no longer interested in kisses and ice cream and being swept of their footsies? Share your thoughts for our young lawyer here, because Iím sure you have plenty to say. Once again, I'm away from my desk a bit today, but the interns have promised to be speedy with the comment approval. Oh -- Twitter here.
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Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.