I missed you yesterday. Let’s get back to it, shall we?
I received a few letters over the weekend about the same topic -- kids and the younger men who aren't ready to have them. Here’s the first:
Q: Hello, I enjoy reading your column daily. I have a question that I know has come up a couple times but I want to hear what your faithful readers have to say. I have been involved with a woman 8 years my senior. (I'm 28 and she's 36). She is divorced (5 years ago) and has no kids. She also has moved in this week, which we are both very happy about. I am concerned about her immediate desire to marry and have children while there is "time left.” I am not in a place mentally or financially to have a child right now. We have talked openly about this and we both agree we want children but have a different idea of the timeline. What does everyone think? Are we gonna end up a disaster?
-- Confused in Watertown
A: CIW, I don’t think you’re gonna end up a disaster.
You feel strongly about her. You’re psyched she's moving in, which is a good sign. You’re not 22 – you’re 28, so you can at least get your head around the idea of commitment and family.
At your age, one year means a lot. By 29, you may be in a very different place with her. You’ll have had a year of living together. You'll probably be better off emotionally and financially. You also may be satisfied with your new life enough to compromise on the timeline. She could change her mind, too. Perhaps after living together for a bit, she’ll decide she doesn’t want kids. You never know.
My point is, things change. You’re just moving in, so this is like … the research phase. I’d let this topic go for now and revisit the issue with her again in six months or so. My sense is that if the living situation works out, you’d both rather compromise than lose each other.