I am not a rock star
Good morning. I received this letter on Friday, so it’s possible that the writer’s situation has already blown up in his face -- but let’s help him anyway.
For those who doubt him, I Googled his e-mail address and he is who he says he is. He is, in fact, a local musician. Enjoy this one.
Q: Alright Meredith, I have a very peculiar predicament that everyone will probably get a good laugh out of (or I am going to take a ton of flak for this). Let me start with a little background info here. It gets to the dating question eventually — just bear with it:
I am moving out of my current neighborhood in Boston to a little more suburban scene with a couple friends. I was the point man for communications with our landlord and realtor during our tenure at our current apartment. The realtor came over to take pictures of our apartment for the rental website and I casually mentioned, after conversation and the realtor spotting my several guitars and keyboards/recording equipment in my room (I didn’t just bring it up, I'm not that lame), that I have been contacted by a couple local record companies about some of my songs, which is true.
Fast forward to the next day. The realtor asked me if he could swing by the apartment with two girls to look at the place. They came to look at the apartment, and one of the girls and myself had a bit of a connection and started flirting while I was showing them mi casa. The realtor, out of no-where, drops a bomb that I had just signed a record deal and am moving to NYC/going on tour, which is why I am moving out. Ridiculous, but believable, so I decided to run with it. I even ended up signing an autograph for the kid!!!
The two girls decided they wanted to take the apartment and asked the realtor if they could show the apt. to their third roommate later that night. The realtor couldn’t do it, so I said I will be there and swing in whenever, I will pick up beers and burgers and lets make it a party.
Long story short, after several Coronas, a quick set of some of my songs on the roof deck (which overlooks the Boston skyline) and a trip to a local watering hole, we locked lips. I may or may not have dropped one of the best lines in recent man history: "How would you like to spend your first night in your new apartment?" I really didn’t think it was going to work, but "just think of the story it will make" was running through my head, classic guy flaw. Well, needless to say, it actually worked and the next morning I was tossing back and forth on just being upfront with her about this redonkulous lie while she was trying to find her pants.
A lot of stuff going on here and I hope you could follow, but here's the predicament: She thinks I am moving to NYC in the next two weeks to become a rock star. I just figured nothing would seriously happen so I went along with this snowball. We have hung out several times since then and I may actually like this Chiquita. I feel real bad about having to keep this whole facade up. We have another date planned and I am wondering if it is better to know or not to know ... Quite a quandary for you Goldstein, but let me have it …
– Dread Zeppelin, Boston
A:DZ, yes, the apartment line is one of the best I’ve heard in a long time. But let’s focus on your “redonkulous” lie.
You have two options. You can continue the lie by telling her that the record label dropped you and that you’re sticking around.
Or you can tell her the truth -- that you fibbed because it felt nice to be a rock star for a few days.
If you go with truth, which I recommend, try to be as flattering as possible. Tell her you were so excited by her initial interest that you continued the lie just to keep her around. Tell her you feared she would bail if she knew you were just some local singer-songwriter. Tell her you’re desperate to continue getting to know her. Write her a song. Play it for her. Then beg.
She should run. Fast. I mean, the initial lie is sort of cute and forgivable, but the fact that you kept it going to get her to go home with you is manipulative and creepy.
Maybe she'll have a sense of humor about it. Maybe she'll just be psyched that you're sticking around. Maybe she’ll say to herself, “If I wind up spending the rest of my life with this guy, just think of the story it will make.” Classic gal flaw.
Readers? Would you keep him around after finding out that he lied about New York? Have you ever been in such a tangled web? Share here.
– Meredith
LOL Crazy SOB
Honestly? She's not going to forgive you. Let her go (without explaining the truth) and enjoy telling this story for the next 25 years (with names changed to protect the innocent, of course). She will think you ran off to your new life in NYC, and gets to tell her pals about her brush with fame.
Live by the Big Pickup Lie, die by the Big Pickup Lie...
manipulative and creepy because some attention-seeking woman decided to spend the night with a guy who she thought was going to become a rock star? it's a bit creepy to me that a woman would firstly be taken by a story like that, and secondly sleep with a guy she 'knows' is moving away and would forget about her a couple weeks later.
bravo, dread, you took advantage of a girl's stupidity who was probably throwing herself at guys left and right to begin with if they were "like, really, really cool." can't blame him for that.
WOWZER! There's one for the books..
If you're starting to really fall for this girl and are seeing it as something more serious, than just tell her what's really up. If you care for her, you will want her to know the reality of you and your situation.
The sooner, the better.
It all comes down to how much you like this girl. If it was just a fling then just let it go, if you think she is a real possible long term GF then def tell her the truth and hope for the best..
So if she thinks you are moving, why are you going on dates? And why do you have to explain, since she thinks you are leaving? Hurting her feelings to rid yourself of guilt is not the solution.
You cannot date her. Have a goodbye date and then don't call her again. She will be ok thinking you are far far away and an honest person. Spare her feelings.
Tell her the truth, If she only slept with you because she thought you were a rock star who was moving to NYC, then she's just as shallow as you were by perpetuating the lie, so you wouldn't want to date her anyway....
This letter is one of the funnier ones I've read. If you actually like this Chiquita and want to continue to date her then you should tell her the truth. If not you'll have too many lies to keep track of. Hopefully she went out with you because she liked you and not just because she thought you were going to be a big city rock star. Who knows, maybe she'll think it was funny too. At least you didn't add "with a rock star" after your classic line to get her to spend the night.
Either one fo two things could work here.
1) Advice #2 from "Q" works well. That is, unless you want to try my other option.
2) You tell her that you want to stick around the area because you can be happy living in the Boston area and keep a little music biz on the side enough to maintain a position in the NY scene without having to actually be there, because you like it here in Boston more. So, you're moving out because she's already signed the lease and you're going to crash with your friends in the burbs for a while instead....until you decide what your exact next move is. But,whatever it is, you're sticking around the Boston Metro area because it's home, and hey, you just met a great girl that just might make it worth it to stay here anyway.
She wasn't looking for anything serious or she wouldn't have gotten involved with a guy who was moving to NYC at the end of the month. So you'll gain nothing by telling her since it won't lead to a relationship anyway. And to top it off, she's going to be super POed when she finds out you lied to her for so long.
I would just stick with the lie and tell her you'll look her up next time you're in Boston, and move on. Telling her the truth is selfish at this point and will just hurt her.
I'm not sure it's entirely this guy's fault -- it was the realtor who made up the story in the first place. My guess is he did it so the 3 girls would want to rent the former apartment of a budding rock star.
Ultimately this "relationship" is doomed -- so why not have some fun with it? Keep the facade up as long as you can -- pile lie upon lie. Do and say anything to keep her interested in you. Even disappear for a couple of weeks, and then "return" saying "it didn't work out". It's all eventually going to blow up in your face, so keep going so you can have a better & better story to tell. After all, how many people get to live the life of a "rock star"?
Realtor should be capitalized, FYI.
I hope she doesn't read this column!
First of all. The line is hilarious. Good work, my friend. Now, you need to tell her the truth. I agree with Meredith on this one. It is kind of creepy that you went along with the lie and ended up in the sheets with her... But in all honesty, I don't think it's all that big of a deal. I mean...she decided to sleep over-- and if she only did it because she thought you were going to become famous...that kinda makes her look like a skizank.
So, just tell her that you went along with the lie, but you didn't mean any harm by it. Be honest and tell her that you actually dig her and you want to see where things go.
I bet you she'll be game.
Keep us posted! Good luck!
wow, you are such a d-bag. reason #7029834092 why (some) boys suck. (i say "boys" because that's exactly what you are). what's worse is that there are girls out there who believe this garbage. rockstar? yeah, okay... and i'm miss america.
I doubt she even thought you were serious. She probably slept with you like she would sleep with anyone after a few beers and a burger...
If you are willing to lose her (since you only think you "may actually like" her), then tell her. If she leaves, she leaves. If not, then you have a great meet-cute story for the rest of your relationship.
I'd also think I'd consider keeping you around depending on how deep in the lie you have gotten. If it's really never come up much past that first meeting with the realtor, that is one thing. But if you were pretending you were Mick Jagger circa 1967 in the clubs all weekend, then I think I'd maybe say "see you later."
Blame the realtor, then deny, deny, deny.
This is actually pretty funny. If you really like her, just fess up and tell her the truth. Hopefully she'll find it amusing. I would hope that the reason she started hanging out with you has nothing to do with thinking you are a "rock star". If it did, she's probably not someone you need to continue to hang out with anyway.
There's pretty much no hope with her, here. If you tell her the truth she's going to bail, and if you don't, it's only a matter of time until she finds out, wants to kill you, and bails. You should of never let things gotten that far before you told her the truth. Maybe you can tell her the truth right away and sweet talk her, but I'm not optimistic.
Let her go (without the truth), and live and learn.
I have to say some women are just swoon by musicians. I bet the lie initially drew her in but the roof top jam session probably sealed the deal. She may decide to stick around. You are quick on your feet! I think it is a fun story either way. Sing her a song explaining what happened and it may soften her anger.
I think you should move to New York and try to become a rock star.
Dude.....that's the best pickup line ever!!!!
Honestly, I would tell her the truth, and see where it takes you. If she can look past the lie, you have the girl, and take it one step at a time, but, if she tells you to go screw, you have a GREAT story......either way, you can't lose!
Honestly, i'm interested in how this turns out, can you or meredith write back with a little update!!
It's not clear to me how much you simply failed to correct a misstatement by the real estate agent about your moving to NYC, or whether you actually went with and embellished it later on. If the former, and it never really came up again, then I think it could still be overcome. If you answered lots of questions about your move to NYC so that it became your own series of lies, that is worse and maybe unfixable.
A related issue: You should just let her go. She's a groupie -- not there's anything wrong with that. Someone who slept with you because you seemed to be a rock star when she believed you were leaving town for good soon is not actually worth working this hard at. Neither one you has exactly covered yourself in glory here. So you should both just walk away. You maybe could actually like her? Okay, but you're a budding rock star. You are going to get more than a fair shot at lots of women for at least the next few years. Find someone else you could maybe actually like, and then try to start it out the right way. I think it is very hard to start out one way and then turn it into something else (although many people will have anecdotal evidence to the contrary -- my mom and dad were a one night stand and married 80 years!! --- it isn't ideal, and all things being equal you're better off not starting that way. just enjoy your rock star period and forget all about having a steady girlfriend until that flames out or you are older and ready to settle down with your millions.
This is grand!
I recommend telling her the whole thing. The realtor exaggerated. You rolled. There was recently a bit on NPR (This American Life) about similar stories, where people maintain an assumption because telling the truth when an assumption is made gets progressively more socially awkward. (Correcting people can seem rude in certain contexts, but then you're carrying on a lie. Perhaps you can weather the lie and save everyone's face, but sometimes it blows up, like here.)
Play up some self deprecating humor, that you're not a rock star, (perhaps you fancy yourself as something else?). Clarify the truth, that there was some truth in what the realtor said but the realtor bungled it, and perhaps you didn't want to correct him in front of other people (a mistake I have made and learned from). Realtors often want to exaggerate positives and downplay negatives, and perhaps that lead to his statement. Then explain your role--I might avoid getting into how much you liked being thought of as a Rock Star (even if true) just for now. If she asks, respond truthfully and perhaps with humor, but maybe don't volunteer that, yet. But do confess that you want to come clean, you're sorry, and you found her so immediately charming that it made things harder in the moment.
But yes, if you're thinking anything possibly remotely serious, I believe you will be better served by telling her the truth. Consider: what are the benefits and costs of lying? What are the benefits of telling the truth? Lying has a large long term cost, and the missed opportunity to check out her psyche a bit out here.
Remember that episode of 30 Rock where Lemon's catches her BF on the street eating ice cream? That's the cost you risk paying if you don't come clean. There's a large gain to be made by coming clean. I liked Mere's suggestions.
Penny Lane: You're too sweet for rock and roll.
William Miller: Sweet? Where do you get off? Where do you get sweet? I am dark and mysterious, and *pissed off*! And I could be very dangerous to all of you! You should know that about me... I am *the enemy*!
Just do the "jedi-mind trick" on her, and when she says something about NYC give her an odd look and say "what are you talking about, I am moving to the suburbs" ... when she replies about NYC back make it look like she is crazy and that you never said that, girls have small brains - she will think she misunderstood you from teh start.
Wow, your realtor is awesome. He lobbed you an easy one, and you hit a homer. Team effort LOL!
But as someone pointed out earlier - if she is under the impression you were leaving in two weeks, obviously she was not looking for a long termer. Play it up until you actually move, then just let it go. It was fun for the both of you, no need for either of you to come off looking bad/hurt.
William Miller: "That groupie"? She was a Band-Aid! All she did was love your band. And you used her, all of you! You used her and threw her away! She almost died last night while you were with Bob Dylan. You guys, you're always talking about the fans, the fans, the fans; she was your biggest fan, and you threw her away! And if you can't see that, that's your biggest problem. And I love her! I love her!
You use words like 'redonkiculous' and 'Chiquita'. That's a much bigger problem than your current predicament.
Also, get yourself tested. If this girl fell into bed that fast over a super lame musician act and an incredibly trite line, I can't even imagine where she's been.
Can anyone say screenplay? Literally laughed out loud when I read this, one of the best/worst lines I've ever heard. If you like her tell the truth. If not have fun and don't worry about it. Don't forget, as others have mentioned, she did the deed thinking you were a budding star. Smells like kind of a groupie to me. Apologies to the real poets on this board:
Empty flat rented
Rooftop groupie rendevous
Smells like teen spirit
Still got that realtors phone #?
Because I have a Soloflex sitting in the corner of my spare bedroom and I'm....ahh......thisclose.....to......ahh......being signed by the Patriots. Yeah, Patriots.
Just tell her to hold onto that autograph. You never know.
No one likes a liar, especially when sex is involved.
Be prepared to give her the name and phone number of a REAL rock star when she finds out, or you tell her, the truth.
Eh, I'm of the mind that most relationships start out with little lies of some sort, to make us seem more attractive (Miracle Bra and Spanx, anyone?). So - particularly considering the Realtor started it - I would file this under "harmless" ...
UNLESS... every time you've hung out since, you've embellished the lie and reinforced it. Such as talking about your fabulous penthouse in NYC. Or describing your (purely fictitious) record manager and contract. If the subject has not come up again, then you are on safer ground here - provided you tell her the truth TODAY and don't continue to drag this deception out a moment longer.
If you want to continue dating her, and you think there's potential for a relationship, of course you have to come clean now. And who knows... maybe she continues to hang out with you because she likes you and it has nothing to do with you being a Rock Star? You won't find out unless you come clean.
But even if you didn't want to continue dating her, you probably should come clean, unless you never want to play a gig in town again, and want to hide out in the 'burbs the rest of your life. She will eventually run into you. She will eventually find out the truth. It's such a small world. She's not stupid, she can check up on your band online. She will find out the truth, no matter what. Better that it comes from you.
Really, the question here isn't whether the truth should come out. The question is how and when it should come out.
P.s. be prepared to uncover a lie of her own... maybe she's not really 20-something afterall... maybe her boyfriend lands in Boston in two weeks... maybe she has an STD she's not telling you about...
Eh, why is this a big deal? Look, a person who sleeps with another after knowing him/her for a few hours is not doing so based on any deep personal connection. They are not doing it because they have a strong moral compass and they trust the other person.
(This goes for both the LW and the woman here -- let's not jump on the "what a slut she just wanted a rockstar" bandwagon of woman-bashing, please. She wanted a rockstar, and he wanted a groupie. They are pretty even here.)
So my point? This is not as big a deal as Mere says. You each knew each other for a few hours and the connection at first was entirely superficial. Anyone willing to take that risk should know the risk -- that all may not be as it seems. If sex is based on trust and honesty, it doesn't happen after only a few hours. This was not that situation.
So approach it with her as a funny story. "Hey, I'm getting to really like you, so I want to be honest. The Realtor exaggerated my situation -- I've got record companies interested but no deal yet. I should have corrected that right away but I have to admit, it was such a nice image! It's what I'm hoping for soon, but it isn't reality yet."
I'm with 19...Just be like "I never said that"...and "the realtor's comment just went over my head - never thought you took it seriously"....Unless of course, you continued the lie in following conversations...then it's your fault and you need to rectify it. But then she slept with you anyway, knowing (thinking) you were going away to NY, so may she was just looking for a way to christen her new apartment with no lasting ties.
P.S. what kind of fruitloop realtor do you have anyway?
juggernaut had it right. deny till you die.
Being a female - and a 34 year old one that is still not opposed to going with the flow the way this girl did - and having a sense of humor - I say tell her. She should get a good laugh out of it. If she was planning on making off with your future riches, then she sucks anyway. But its not like she was looking at bridal magazine's given your impending 'tour'. I don't really think its anything to get that pissed off over. And that line is cheesy - original - and fabulous!
Tell her the truth because it's on your conscience and things like that don't fade with time. Do you really want to feel a sear of guilt every time you think of this situation? If she sticks around after you tell her the truth, then lucky you -- except I think you won't want her to stick around because you'll feel like a dope around her. If she doesn't stick around, well you've still done "the right thing" and can sleep with a clear(er) conscience. It's never too late to right a wrong. You might also get a big surprise if she says she knew all along you weren't a rock star.
Live the lie. It takes a long time to become a rock star. Don't phone her for a week and say you were in NYC playing the scene. When you feel like she is catching on, confess that you had creative differences with the studio who wanted you to be more poppy and you quit. Tell her you have been uneasy about this for a bit (which will explain your recent sketchy behavior). It's a win win win.
Hilarious!
To be honest, I'm not sure who I'm rooting for here .........if Chiquita had written this letter I'd be telling her to run run run.....but since you're the LW, good luck Dread!
When you tell the story is seems almost cute and charming - you know, don't hate the playa type of stuff - then I imagine it from Chiquita's perspective. She probably told her friends all about the cute soon to be famous guy she was kinda (but not really) seeing. How awkward. For the sake of her self-respect, pride, and need to maintain ‘girl cred’ , Chiquita might feel she has to dump you.
Having said that - here's my advice to you if you want to try to move forward. Have an in person conversation and start off with the most important message – you’re starting to think this could be something serious. If she says she’s feeling the same way then you are halfway there. Spend a few minutes talking about some of the fun things you’ve done together or witnessed and a reason or two why you think the two of you have potential (example: “No one gets me like you do – I’m all deep and musical and stuff, and you UNDERSTAND me”).
Once you’ve enjoyed that nice moment, tell her the truth. Emphasize that you were too embarrassed and caught off guard to correct the real estate agent’s exaggeration when he first said it – and then it just snowballed. Tell her that you’re embarrassed and sorry and hope that she is still willing to see you even though you are just a Boston local band scene guy instead of a NYC bound rock star.
One question though – I was confused by the word ‘kid’ in your letter. You say there were two girls who were being shown your casa, then you say you signed an autograph for one of the kids. What’s the age difference here?
Ugh, redonkulous, chiquita. If she can put up with you being a d-bag and using these terms she can put up with the truth. Her loss if she sticks around.
...that was a pretty good line though.
Interesting way to start off a Monday on LL! So - the LW perpetuated the lie that the realtor told, and now he likes this girl and potentially wants to continue the relationship. Just tell her. IF she forgives him and also wants to continue the relationship, that's the only way to move forward. Otherwise, the entire relationship will be based on a lie (especially if the LW tells her he "lost the record contract" or another lie).
However, the fact that this girl slept with the LW after knowing him for all of 4-5 hours doesn't say a whole lot for her either. Maybe she was using him as much as he was using her.
But if the LW likes her, he should tell her. If she walks, she walks. If she doesn't, then you have a great "how we met" story.
(And note to "Editor - #13 - in this case, the word "realtor" shouldn't be capitalized, as you have no idea if this particular realtor was a member of the National Association of Realtors - only then should it be capitalized, as it's a service mark for those members.)
Nice line! I'll have to remember that one...
I've actually gotten myself into a similar situation (I am a musician, but not a STAR and lied a bit about how famous I was in order to get a girl) and the best thing you can do is continue to follow the rock star way: get out of there!
You already got everything you could out of your lie... now the best thing you can do is continue the lie and disappear and the girl will be none the wiser and have a great story of how she once slept with a rockstar. Rockstars don't get attached! Get out of there
Get out of there!
this is hilarious. If you REALLY like her, come clean. Like Mer says, she might run but you can pursue....not in a creepy stalker way mind you...pursue as in...please please forgive me...what would YOU have done if the broker said that about YOU??!! Don't do the write a song thing.....unless that's the ultimate last hope.Oh yeah, congrats on the whole thing working. Hope the fireworks were worth it.
finally, please ignore the guy named Rico that posts here. BAN RICO.
Gas not gears.
Well, you've already learned how easy & stupid she is and you are thinking seriously about her? Like her, this is a no brainer. Perpetuate the lie and laugh or pity her as you make your way out to the burbs. Even you can do better.
Three things: 1) when she realizes she's been 'had', she'll be embarrassed and probably move on to some other clunker. 2) watch for the groupie mentality - a never-ending sea of pantiless bimbos. 3) hug your local Realtor.
Tell her the truth, apologize, and don't make excuses.
Q concurrence.
how were the grilled cheese sandwiches?
Sorry-- as a fellow male, I'm too busy applauding your stunt to give any actual advice. Well done!
I haven't read all the posts yet, but let's be realistic... If you really like her, say so - what the heck do you have to lose??? Other people are saying that you should just let her go - but why not just try out the truth? If she tells you to get lost, you tried. If she laughs and stays with you, you win.
This sounds like a sit-com to me... If only people would SPEAK up and tell the TRUTH there would be much less drama. Doesn't that drive you crazy when you watch Seinfeld and George is freaking out over the stupidist thing when if he just told the truth it would set him free???
If she sends you packing (which I don't think she will), you can only learn from the experience... Watch out for little white lies! They come back and bite you in the derriere!!!
Tell the truth now - you have the power to set it right.
Oh - and as for the "creep factor" Meredith mentions - who hasn't embellished their mojo a bit? teehee ;)
Cats not Dogs
This is a tough one. I can't put all the blame on you considering it was the realtor who fabricated the lie, although you didn't deny it! And let's be realistic - if the girl was willing to jump in bed and roll around the sheets with you, she's not completely innocent.
I think it depends on how much you like her. Is this a fling? If so, let her go and cut your losses. If you could actually see yourself falling in love with the girl and can't imagine life without her (I'd be surprised if this were the case) then you need to tell the truth and hope for the best. I think if you came clean right away she might give you a chance but keeping up the lie for awhile.... well, it's just rude.
the trust
DZ - I think it would be an entirely different story if you had created the lie. The lie was created by the Realtor (I capitalized, thanks to #13) and you failed to correct it. Tell her that you didn't initially correct the lie because you wanted to impress her (which is probably the case). If she really likes you, hopefully she'll just laugh it off and move on. Either way, you gotta tell her the truth and FAST. The longer you drag this out the less amusing she'll find your rock star facade.
Don't worry.
Either she knew you weren't a rock star when she agreed to spend the night, and willingly had a one-nighter with a guy she knew was a liar, or she really did think you were a rock star, and knows that it's a different girl every night for a dude as rockin' as you. Either way, you're off the hook.
Next....
I wouldn't worry about what to tell her. This details of the situation are unique enough that at least one of the many hundreds of people who read this column will figure out who she is and send her a link to this and she'll supply you with an answer. If she doesn't find out about the letter on her own and you do try to work it out with her, it will eventually get back to her that you wrote to an advice column about her so you'd probably better confess that too while you're at it. If she's sticks with you after all this then you've got a good one (and don't screw up again!)
Ew. Dude. Tell her the truth and then tell her you totally understand if she never wants to see you again. And EXPECT that she'll never want to see you again.
Yuck.
I don't think you can "move" to NYC without her wanting more. If you've been hanging out and having fun, she's going to bring up the possibility of an LDR.
Come clean. You don't have much of a choice. I don't think you have much of a chance, though. You're coming clean because you're about to get caught, not because you feel guilty. You feel more bad about keeping up the facade than having lied to get her into bed (that it was the landlord's lie is moot - you let her believe it and you KNOW that's why she slept with you). That sounds selfish to me. You've been thinking about yourself this whole time. What a great story YOU'LL have to tell, because this girl had the nerve to believe you. And now that you actually like her, you're more afraid of what YOU might lose rather than what is best for HER.
If she's in deep she might buy your "honesty," but it's more likely she just slept with you because she thought you were about to be famous, not moving to the suburbs. If it works out, then great, just as long as you treat her like a human being who deserves respect, and not a notch on your bedpost or a character in a story.
No one can respect any chick that bangs on the first date. I wonder how many dates she had last week. You should both run!
fyi - people aren't use "redonkulous" anymore.
i mean this in the nicest way possible..... but neither one of you sound very bright so this could be a match made in heaven. i think the only way she'd be really pissed after you tell the truth is if she was only using you for your future-rock-star-status. otherwise, it IS kinda cute & funny. either way, we're gonna need an update.
My only advice to you is, if she cruises, you need to keep the realtor as your wing-man. He's gold man! Pure gold!
Very nice line...
The only thing missing at the beginning of this letter is "Dear Penthouse Forum"
she's a groupie who wanted to have fun why bother telling her? she's not looking for a long term relationship since she knows youll be moving soon anyways..
at least you didn't have to throw too many burgers at her..
if you didn't use condoms get tested asap!
little chiquita may have left you a departing gift...
Is that story by Mick Jameson Greenwood?
If she bails it's because she's a big super slut who didn't care about you in the first place. It's not like you lied about formerly being a woman, or being on trial for killing someone. Being a rock star is a job and if a woman judges a man by his job, she's no better than a common prostitute. So long as you are a generally hard working man with good friends and a solid family, you have nothing to be ashamed about. Do you know how many men stretch the truth - how a paralegal is all of a sudden a defense litigator after a few beers...how a retail manager is suddenly SVP of Supply Chain management...how a flight attendant is a pilot after he realizes it's lot easier to get laid. These things happen all the time. Cough up the truth, and all will be well in the world.
Who was it that said "screenplay?" Arguable, this story has *some* parallels to "Hitch" (happy ending) and "About Last Night" (left up in the air). Be glad it's not "Fatal Attraction." Good luck, man!
My best friend just told me about how she hooked up with a rock star on his way to NYC. I'm sending her this link.
Oh yea - and on the flip side - maybe this woman isn't as gullible as you think she is... Any guy that tells me he's "moving to NYC to become a rock star" is definitely under suspicion. She probably knows the truth by now, anyway, and is waiting for you to come clean.
Cats not Dogs
You're either very young and/or the girls are very young. This whole scene sounds very childish. You show no respect to women (girls) in the way your speak about them so I think you should move to the suburbs, keep strumming your guitar and be a rock-star-wannabe. She decided that she would have a tale to tell should you become famous and maybe hook her up with some cool concert tickets, maybe not even if you're the main attraction. You used and were used. Your pickup line was clever, however, so I give you kudos for it, but only because she fell for it.
Listen, Mr. Sensitive New Age guy, having regrets are so not "rock n roll." Just rock and roll with it, man! Enjoy it while it lasts. Let's face it - you're calling her a Chiquita so it isn't going to last long anyway.
DZ,
I don't think you like this girl. I think you like the way she makes you feel which will no doubt change greatly when she finds out how deceptive you've been. That said, good luck, and cleary if you want a real chance with her get the truth out quickly! Every contact that you'd don't clear things up just puts you that much further in the hole.
Creepy indeed! It's one thing for the realtor to have played the rock star scenario up, but somewhere between you locking lips with your so-called "chiquita" at your former "mi casa", and her needing to "find her pants" (charming!), you should've just been honest.
Quite frankly, the fact that you decided to "swing by with burgers and beer" sounds creepy also. Sounds like you were trying (a little too hard) to get lucky with one of the (3) roommates.
This is actually a perfect follow-up to last week's letter from the so-called "nice guy" asking if he should take on "bad boy" characteristics (ie lie) to embrace an image that he thought women would like so that in effect he can "score" and get a trophy girlfriend. What I told that person...and what applies to you also...is that if you pretend to be someone else and that person falls for this false persona, you now have a person that has not fallen for the real you....so what's the point in the end?
You seem not to see women as equals (calling them chiquitas is one example of many) and view them as objects to "score", which is why no part of you decided to be honest either that night or the other times you've hung out with her since.
It's time to face the facts....you are a liar and now only because you want to keep Miss Chiquita around a little more and also realize your lie will be obvious soon (when she sees you're not moving to NYC and going on tour), only now are you squirming with this lie that you have dragged out.
Let's be real here....your real issue isn't the white lie your realtor told (and that you perpetuated), the real issue is your attitude about yourself (full of yourself) and your attitude towards women in general that revolves around seeing them as objects to fulfill YOUR needs. If you want to get on the right path, start showing women some respect (ie be honest) and stop looking at every opportunity as a chance to score (leave the beers at home)....and just maybe you won't have to deal with the "stress of keeping up a facade" (poor you!).
OMG, I'm still laughing about this one. Reminds me why I don't miss dating.
This one is easy. If you want to see her again, obviously you're gonna have to tell her the truth, DUH. If you never want to see her again, you don't have to tell her anything.
If you are going to tell her what's what, I would play it off like a joke, as if she was in on it the whole time. "Like what? You mean you took all that stuff seriously? Of course I'm not talented enough to have a contract, you've heard me sing."
I don't hold out much hope for you. If you really want to continue this relationship you need to fess up and apologize. Since your guitar got you into this mess, your guitar should get you out of it. Put your apology in the form of a song--something in the genre of the freecreditreport.com commercials. Use the phrases "I'm an ass" and "I'm sorry" frequently in the lyrics and you might have a chance.
If you like this Chiquita and you want to continue giving her your Banana: fess up
Wow, number #64 completely missed the point. I posted that given this context I didn't think it was a big deal -- but Mandy, your top-notch thinking here is that "if a woman judges a man by his job, she's no better than a common prostitute"? You think it's about judging the job and not the lying? Really? Top-notch thinking there. I think this lie was not big deal -- it was a one-night stand that turned out to perhaps be more, not a relationship built on a lit -- but to think the issue is that she will judge him for his job is ridiculous. The issue is whether she will care about having been lied to.
Thought it important to point that out. If you're going to compare someone to a hooker, you should probably take care to understand what you're talking about first.
Seriously, if you really like her, just tell her the deal fell through due to some techicality, and you are hopeful to find another deal eventually. Such an easy out. Don't feel bad about lying. Women lie all the time. This broad could be lying that she even really likes you, maybe she thinks she can cash in eventually, but either way don't tell the truth. You won't have any chance if you do tell the truth
I'd tell her. Explain the situation-you got caught up- blah blah and put the ball in her court. She may laugh? It is a funny story. Do it now though.
Oh-writing her a song is not a bad idea either.
.
A guy did this to me once. He told me his profession was something that was not, I assumed this was the case until he started trying too hard to “play the part.” I started picking up cues and finally asked him up front, he lied, I went along. Then on an ill fated night that we were out we bumped into some co-workers of his that confirmed that he was not really the highly paid professional that he claimed, but an assistant to such a highly paid professional. I played along, took him home. Confronted him and laid out all the evidence without showing any anger, except to say that he should not be lying to people because failing to fully disclose information was in my book a form of lying. Needless to say I never heard from him. Nonetheless his case has been used by my friends as I as the marker of sleaziness and every time we need to describe a slime ball we refer to this guy. It makes for a great story and we have gotten a few great laughs at the expense of this lying looser.
I believe you should tell this woman that you have lied to her, apologize if you have any minimal integrity but be prepared for the consequences. Don’t expect her to be nice to you, she may be mad and she is entitled to be mad at a liar. If you don’t tell her she is likely to figure it out. You should examine your own behavior and see that you really need to work on yourself. I hope she can turn this into a laughable moment just like I have, you on the other hand need to work on self-esteem and get a reality check, relationships do not get built on lies.
PoliteGF
........Sorry loverboy, you sound like a complete jerk to me!
Classic new age love story.
Both want a one-night stand, lied to each other to get into bed, then fell in love, came out with the truths and lived happily ever after.
Wait till you hear her truth. Maybe that she's a transexual. Still on for the date?
You should just tell "Yoko" that you ended up spending too much time with her lately and that "Paul" kicked you out of the band. Then you can tell her that you are going to stick around and try to make it on your own. Maybe even do a bed-in for peace. The bonus for her is that you'll let her mess up half of your recordings with her awful voice.
Fake letter.
You should just tell "Yoko" that you ended up spending too much time with her lately and that "Paul" kicked you out of the band. Then you can tell her that you are going to stick around and try to make it on your own. Maybe even do a bed-in for peace. The bonus for her is that you'll let her mess up half of your recordings with her awful voice.
You've really got nothing to lose. Just tell her the truth, that the realtor exaggerated and you stupidly went with it because your brain choked. Show some humility, tell her you're emabarassed that you did it, but you like her so you have to be honest. If she's cool with it then it might work out. If not, well, you were moving to NY anyway...
She knows the truth is enjoying playing along... I'm guessing she knew you hadn't signed a record deal after about 10 seconds into your no doubt lame set. But In case she has no brains (or taste), you could keep the lie going George Constanza style. As he once said, it's not a lie if you believe it.
#66 - Are you serious?
She's just playing along with your story... I'm guessing she knew there was no record deal about 10 seconds into your no doubt lame set. But if she has no brains (or taste), then you should keep the lie going George Constanza style. As he said, "it's not a lie, if you believe it."
Okay, let's review: you used a D+ line and it worked, and now you're having an attack of conscience? Why start telling the truth *now*? First, you are exactly the kind of d/bag that makes it tougher on guys who *aren't* d/bags, so eff you for that. Second, if you tell her the truth, you are *toast*. Just follow what #40 said. Just think, while you are avoiding her while you're "In NYC", you can be off lying to other women, and banging them after a mini-set and some beers.
hahah #66....
welllll after re reading your letter... i have come to this conclusion. lets review the major facts. you are not a rock star, BUT you HAVE been contacted by local record companies... therefore, realtor= exagerrator. you could just tell your lady friend, you wanted to come clean with her that he was exagerrating, and you are really starting to like her, and wanted to come clean. she'll be pissed, but if you two are really hitting it off, it shouldnt matter you arent going to nyc, she should be happy youll be in town, just a little farther away than in boston. the sooner the better though. and congrats on your potential record signing, you should be very proud of yourself!! and one more thing, cheesy line, yet perfectly creative.
Anyone who uses the phrase "Mi Casa" is a total DooshBag. If ANY female is willing to go to bed with you after uttering that epitome of doucheiosity, she is clearly an insane skank anyhow. I am glad that you are a musician though, because will most likely bite it on an accidental "smack" overdose. This is the absolute worst LL letter ever; the strange part is that it came from a man... ladies, the bar has been raised for you!
I may actually like this Chiquita...what a tool!
Mandy - you sound like one jaded women! What happened??? Where's your Love Letter???
Cats not Dogs
All I can say that karma is a biatch - simply inevitable. You could drop her and let her continue digging the story you've created, but lets say months from now a coincidental meeting brings the both of you together and your chance to escape this story is no longer possible; a definite guarantee you'll feel worse about your dishonesty... and this chance encounter is bound to happen Rock Star.
Tell her. I mean, she'll be taken aback but surely if the feelings are mutual she'll almost be flattered that you went to such lengths to keep this up. If you lied about all this to strictly get her back to your apartment for that one time only, then I agree you're a scumbag. The difference in the matter is that you've continued to see her and have acquired a sincere liking to her.
NYC Scenario - you're 'moving'... you lose her.
Truth Scenario - you're staying... a. lose her
b. keep her
As I see it, by admitting your truth you at least have an option; a shot at making this work...
And secondly Zeppelin, if she really was so quick to get with you pending this story, you need to question your continuing involvement with her anyways. Now, not every chic is a whore that jumps in bed the first night - people need to calm their double standards because instant lustful passion just happens - BUT then again she very well could be a whore ...just guard yourself..seems like you may be feeling a bit strongly for a chic that could be that easy with anyone...any time.
Though your line, man, was pretty awesome..dammit, I wanna a Rock Star.
Let me see if I can deconstruct this little fantasy with which Dead Zepplin has regaled us. But first, I need to clean Clorox the toilet bowl I just puked in. First half truth told us. He is a “musician”, that’s true. But he’s a drummer. A bad drummer. Ergo, he got evicted. Second: he’s been “contacted by several local record companies about some of his songs.” Actually, he mailed his demo to Boston Emissions…they still have not called him back. Now he thinks they are stupid arses and is going to write a strongly worded letter to Angelle. Third: his “realtor (read: wingman) out of no-where (at precisely the agreed upon time), drops a bomb that I had just signed a record deal and is moving to NYC/going on tour (hours, days, if not weeks were spent planning this little High School Musical number)”. (Wait, sorry, one more parenthetical comment: who goes to NY to be a rock star? Bad drummers, that’s who.) Fourth: after several “Coronas.” Oh, wait, that was the truth. Drummers have such bad taste in beer. Fifth: “quick set of some of my songs on the roof deck (which overlooks the Boston skyline)”: Even though this deck was imaginary, if I was the girl, I would have jumped off it. Head first. Six: He had sex. No, he pushed and grunted for 35 seconds, rolled over and then farted in his sleep. That’s not sex, that’s a good day in a dog’s life. Seven: He feels “real” bad about keeping this charade up. Nope. He feels “really effin’” good.
Last point: PLEASE DON'T CALL ME ANYMORE.
Dude, your lie is posted on the front page of Boston.com... as they say, the jig is up.
I don't think she will dump him for the lie. She will however dump him after about one week, of having to hear the overuse of the Ultimate DooshBag phrases: "Chiquita", "Mi Casa", "Redonkulous". I am glad there are guys like this, so there will be English speakers pumping my gas. Sure buddy, good luck with that "Record Deal"...
So, you REALLY like a girl who slept with you on the first date? Wait...it wasn't even a date, she just met you! This will end poorly, so I recommend you just tell her the truth and move on.
Realtors are lying two faced scumbags. Any moron can pass that joke of a realtor exam. Anyone who responds and tells me that the realtor exam is hard... well they are a idiot.
So, we've established that you are NOT a rock star. We also know that you are a sleaze. We have also confirmed that you are a liar. Also a fact is that 'Chiquita' is a skank who will jump in the sack with anyone claiming to be the next Sammy Hagar, so I would get a shot of 'cillin pronto if I were you.
Then, I suggest you slap your douchtastic self in the face and forget about little miss 'groupie'.
Most of all......Grow up!
Good luck,
DrK
OH COME ON - WHAT KIND OF ROCK STAR ARE YOU IF YOU FALL IN LOVE AT FIRST "LAY". You need more practice with more Chiquita's..... Most guys lie to get girls in bed - so just fess up & tell the truth - I'm sure she'll be fine with it and you'll actually get extra points for fessing up to her. On the bright side - maybe you'll be inspired to write some "awesome love songs"
This guy is an idiot.
Redonkulous?
Chiquita?
What a moron.
Can I buy the movie rights?
I never post but I had to on this one because my fiance actually knows a guy who got himself into a similar predicament. He lied about his age. He was already in his 40s while she was only in her 20s. He looks young so he thought he would get away with it, and was, until my very smart fiance pointed out to him that she may be starting to think about throwing him a 40th birthday party, and how embarrassing would that be?!? That should give you some indication of just how long this little ruse went on for. Anyway he came clean, she forgave him and they are married now. I suggest you go for telling her the truth and have some faith, if it is meant to be it will work out.
I LOVE this love letter! I love the pick up line and you sound like a nice enough guy, but more importantly you sound like you have a great sense of humor. In which case you're probably also attracted to ladies that have a great sense of humor as well. If this is the case, I think that your chiquita will be able to handle the truth and appreciate the fact that you want to see more of her which is why you're telling her the truth instead of doing the cowardly thing that so many other commenters suggest and just saying you left and never talking to her again. If for no other reason you have to tell her the truth and see if you can work it out because I can't imagine a better story to be told at a wedding! Best of luck Dread!
Kay-Man,
I find your comments quite offensive. Just because he slept with the girl on the first date doesn't mean he can't like her. My patner and I are in a 3 years plus relationship that started off as a one night stand. It wasn't a date either, we met at a party. Its happened before and it can happen again. . .
This is hilarious!!!! I cannot believe his lie worked? What is your problem again Dread Zeppelin?
Where. Is. Hoss.
I read this post daily but have yet to comment. This letter is hysterical. If LW is playing up the lie and making stuff up as he goes along then he needs to cut it out and disappear aka move to New York. If the lie started and ended with the realtor's statement then so be it- he can tell the truth if he really likes this girl. I'm female and single. If I hooked up with a guy I know is leaving town in 2wks, I'm definitely not looking for sth serious so it doesn't really matter what he is or what he says. I'm also curious to know the age difference. If a guy referred to me as 'kid' and still hooked up with me, I'd think that's pretty sick!
You're an idiot. And a loser. Get a real job.
Reality, not Rico!
Sally's deconstruction (#94) wins. :-)
To make up for all of these lies, you should actually move to New York City. Hey - you must already have the moving boxes, right?
Oh! This is great! You must promise us that you will post an update! Look at all the folks vested in this story!
And my two cents: the girl who jumps in bed with you, whether or not you are a rock star, is not the woman you want to marry, right? Look for the woman who is interested in you....and no one gets to know someone on the first date. You might as well be strangers. There is no hope here. I agree that the best bet is to say goodbye and never call her again. It is OVAH!
But my favorite response from the crowd is Jule's: "I think you should move to New York and try to become a rock star."
mrst
Dread - This letter is an absolute lie! You actually expect us to believe that a realtor could be that helpful?
Valentino, you may have to put up a top 5 today. There's way too much ammo for you.
I don't think it's as bad as everyone seems to think it is.
It's the landlords fault that the lie was there to begin with, so it's not as if he was planning on doing this all along. He was just looking for a little fun after the girl showed interest. He went with it and it worked. I am a female and if this happened to be I would forgive him. It's not as if he lied about being married or having kids or being single or anything. It's kind of cute, he was trying to impress her. It's not as if he had sex with her and is ditching her, he is actually interested. He should tell her the truth and say that he had an instant connection with her but didn't think she was interested, so whats wrong with a little fib?
Definitely tell her the truth. If she only likes you because she thinks you are a rock star, then she'll dump you. If she actually likes you, then it may be possible to work out some way to earn her trust back. But definitely don't keep on with the lie if you like her. That definitely can't work. (Of course, the third option is you actually go to New York and become a rock star. Now that would be a GREAT story!)
"How would you like to spend your first night in your new apartment?"
I gotta say, that line cracked me up! Good for you.
Now the flak.
Mi Casa? Chiquita? Dude, I personally know REAL rock stars and they don't talk like that! What school of rock are you from, Berkley?
I am also going to have to say Meridith has the best advice so far.
Ok now cats, Zippity zaaa! I am outta here
So wait-- He is a sleeze (as many of you have said) for lying to her about being a rockstar, yet she's just an innocent victim? Because it's ok for her to sleep with this guy on the first night when he was a rockstar, but not as a normal person?
Yeah, ok. Whatever-- you're both at fault. You lied, and that makes you a jerk, BUT she bought it and dropped her panties on the first date.
This totally sounds like Jim Anchower from "The Onion" wrote the letter.
We've been scammed.
The douche factor is so off the charts here. Mi casa, chiquita, redonkulous, Coronas... you sir, suck.
Seriously, what does it matter what you do? You're a complete loser, and she fell for your tired schtick, so she's either dense or none too discriminating if you get my drift. If you end up together, great, you deserve each other and that's 2 less losers clogging up the singles market. If she dumps your arse, you both dodged a huge bullet.
I like the song as an apology concept so much that I wrote one for the dude.
I am just a Redonkulous guy
We met by accident
And that guy told a lie
That I soon would be famous
When I’m just a redonkulous guy
That story sound so good
Something that I’d like to try
And you seemed to like me
Even though I’m a redonkulous guy
I have to tell you
My Chiquita, I can no longer lie
If I’m just suburban drummer
Will you still hang with the redonkulous guy?
Redonkulous
Redonkulous
Redonkulous
Will you still hang with the redonkulous guy?
LOL!!
You can continue to lie and you'll have to make up more and more lies. She'll want to visit you in NY, go to your concert or at least buy the CD, etc. It would be like a movie with you making up more elaborate lies.
Or, you could always just say that the rock and roll world isn't for you. That you couldn't take the attention, the papparazzi, the adoring fans...it nearly drove you to drugs. You might have become like Michael Jackson. Gorgeous women everywhere and you can only think of her. You have lost your soul and decided to move to the suburbs and go back to your previous job as quality assurance rep.
Anyway, I'm sure she didn't believe you and thought you were funny and cute and wanted to get you into the sack. You're the gullible one - you thought the realtor was flattering you when he just wanted to rent the apt and you also thought that she believed you. Did she ask fo rthe label? Fantasies, unfortunately don't last long...
This story doesn't even sound real, it sounds more like someone's fantasy.