From marriage in suburbia to city dating ....
A: Dear Meredith -- I have been on the fence the past few days about writing in and asking for advice, but I love your column and usually there seems to be an awful lot of good advice, so here goes:
I am 27 and was single for about 10 months when I met 3 great guys in the span of 2 weeks in early June. Itís usually hard for me to meet men because I work a lot and am fairly new to Boston, and as we all know, dating is hard! So meeting 3 at once has been a bit overwhelming. I really like all 3 of these guys and have a lot of different things in common with each one. I see each one 1-2 times/week, depending on our schedules. This has made for a very busy summer to say the least, and I am certainly not complaining. I have reached a point with all 3 that itís time to figure out where things stand because I realize this type of casual dating canít go on forever. The last thing I want is to lead someone on and vice versa, I donít want to get too attached to someone who isnít that into me. I have not slept with any of them. Over the weekend I had a long talk with one guy, letís call him ďChris,Ē and he told me that he would like to be exclusive in the sense that we are no longer seeing other people while we figure out if the relationship has any real long term potential. I am extremely excited about this and happy.
My specific question is: Can I be honest with the other two and tell them that Iíve met someone and want to see where things go, or should I just completely end it with each of them? I donít want them to feel as though Iím putting them on the back burner, and I donít want Chris to think that I am not fully committed to being exclusive, but my concern is that if things donít work out with Chris, I will have burned the proverbial bridge with two other great guys. On the other hand, the two other guys have yet to mention anything about a serious relationship and itís been two months. Is it too soon for me to become exclusive? Should I tell Chris I want to wait a little while longer and be honest with him about seeing others? If I did have to pick just one, it would be Chris, but this has all been so confusing and I donít want to hurt any feelings.
I doubt my issue is unique, but it is a first for me and is way beyond my usual dating realm. Iím just curious as to how others have or may handle this type of situation and would appreciate any advice you may have as to how to gracefully handle this situation. Iím afraid Iíve bitten off more than I can chew.
-- When It Rains, It Pours, Boston
A: Itís raining and pouring, indeed, WIRIP.
I think your issue might be unique, at least on Love Letters. Itís not often that I get an e-mail that says ďIím balancing three guys.Ē Let me take this moment to say: way to multitask.
Your answer is in your letter. ďIf I did have to pick just one, it would be Chris.Ē
There you go. The bonus is that Chris has picked you, too. I know you want to keep the other two around as insurance, but life doesnít work that way. You have to drop the extra suitors. Bummer, I know.
Donít tell Chris to wait longer -- youíll risk losing him. I think itís OK to be exclusive after two months. You already know you like him best.
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Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.