< Back to front page Text size +

He wants me to move

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  November 20, 2009 09:50 AM

E-mail this article

Invalid E-mail address
Invalid E-mail address

Sending your article

Happy rainy Friday.

We have a treat today. Last Friday, I took two letters and brought them to comedians Janeane Garofalo and Rob Riggle (of “The Daily Show”), who performed that night at the Wilbur Theatre. I asked them to give some celebrity advice, and they were happy to oblige. They did a very good job, as you’ll see below. You'll get the second letter on Monday.

Here we go.

Q: Hi Meredith! I'm hoping you and the LL readers can give me some good advice - I definitely need an outside perspective.

I'm 25 and my boyfriend is 27. I am currently working in Boston at a job I love and he is finishing up his master's degree. We have been dating for 3 years now and have been challenged and been made stronger together. We don't live together. We met after college and have both had serious relationships before. We have a great relationship that is fulfilling and satisfying on all levels. We both see our relationship as having marriage potential. We are still young and in no rush to settle down and get married right away but we know it could be in the future. I love him, unconditionally.

Now, here's the problem. He recently got an offer for his "dream job" out in Texas. Sounds great right? Well, I'm not ready or even to willing to move to Texas with him. I have established a good job here and more importantly, all my (and his) family is in NE. I'm not alright with being that far away from family. I like NE, I like my job, I like my friends. I feel like I would be giving up a lot if I were to move with him. Maybe too much.

I'm not comfortable asking him to not take the job. This is the start of his career and a great opportunity for him. I'm also scared to lose him. I know, ultimately it is his decision, but he keeps asking for my input. Should I take the risk and tell him to take the job and move with him? Do I tell him to go but get left behind? I don't want him to resent me for keeping him here.

He knows where I stand on this issue; we've talked about it a lot. So my question is do I take the big leap and follow him? Or do I choose to stay and possibly lose my future husband?

Thanks for your time and hopefully your advice.

– Texas or Bust, Boston

A: TOB, do you have to make a big decision before he goes? Right now, moving seems scary. Not moving and losing him seems scarier.

What if you played it by ear? Maybe he can move to Texas and you can visit a few times. Maybe he’ll hate it and come home. Or maybe you’ll love your visits so much that you’ll want to spend more and more time there. Or perhaps you’ll be so comfortable on your own in Boston that you’ll embrace a break-up.

I like clear answers, but you don’t have one at the moment. I think this is a situation where you’re going to have to figure out what you want by testing the waters. Process of elimination. After some visits and some time here alone, I think the choice will be easier to make.

That’s my take. And now we can hear what Janeane and Rob had to say. And then you can discuss below. And please do.

– Meredith


Get Adobe Flash player

E-mail this article

Invalid E-mail address
Invalid E-mail address

Sending your article

 
ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

Ask us a question

Required
Required
archives