Got back from Maryland and New York last night and watched Thursday's "30 Rock." When Liz Lemon says she met a guy on K-date, "the personals section of the Kraft Foods website," I almost choked on my Diet Coke. If only that were a real thing ....
Q: Dear Meredith,
I've found myself in what I think is a pretty classic predicament but none of my friends seem to have any good answers.
I have a crush on a guy at work.
To give some background, we met through some mutual friends last fall and I found out he was looking for a job so I helped him get an interview at work. Fast forward a few months and he's not only working with me, but working on the same project. This means that we have to interact throughout the day. I figured out a couple of months into working together that he had a crush on me but I was dating someone else at the time. A few months later, my other relationship fizzled and I realized that not only did I think of this guy at work as a great friend, I returned his affections. Through the same mutual friends I found out that he knows that I return the crush feelings, but now he's "very hesitant about the work thing."
So my question is this: Should I do anything? Do I respect his wishes to not start something with a co-worker? Do I just wait for him to make a move? Part of me feels like if you like someone enough you would overlook the potential work awkwardness. We currently hang out with friends a lot and even sometimes alone, though nothing romantic/physical has happened. I should also add that I'm thinking of leaving my current job this summer and he is aware of that possibility.
Thanks for reading!
– Crushing at Work, Cambridge
A: CAW, I'm green-lighting you. Why?
Reason No. 1: He's not a work friend. He's a friend at work. You knew him before he got the job. You have mutual friends. This isn't your typical office romance. It's a potential romance that happens to have found its way to the office.
Reason No. 2: This guy didn't say he wouldn't date a co-worker. He told your mutual friends that he's "hesitant" about dating you now that you work together. Expressing concern is different than saying "no way."
Reason No. 3: You're not married to this job. You might even leave this job. This one's easy. As you said, it's worth the risk, assuming he still digs you.
It's time to talk to him about your feelings. My guess is that he's waiting for you to make a move. And by "make a move" I mean start a discussion. Tell him how you feel, why you think it's worth trying, and why you're not so concerned about how it will change things at work. Put him at ease and see if he can meet you halfway.
Readers? Does this count as an office romance? Does it matter that their connection predated their relationship as co-workers? Does his concern mean he's not into her anymore? Discuss.
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Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.