He went from white collar to blue
Happy Friday.
Here are the “Remember Me” contest winners.
And here's today's letter:
Q: Hi Meredith,
When I met my current fiancé he was working as a consultant at a large company in the city. He loved the company but lacked the enthusiasm for sitting in front of a computer screen all day. He has since decided to take a more hands-on position, doing a job that let's just say, is, below him. He has a master’s degree yet has now settled on a blue collar job for less pay, simply to "be out of a desk." Now add to this ... his mother chose this job for him. She personally found it for him and spent weeks on end calling his cell over it, even telling me how great it would be if he took this other position. His mother comes from a very hands-on family, and her job is hands-on, as well ... and seeing her son in a suit-only office position I think intimidated her a bit. Now I am stuck and I don’t know what to do. I offer advice, and he does seem to listen, but he also seems to take his Mother's advice first and foremost. I come from a family that has a very suit-only attitude, so this makes his new job all the more challenging for me to accept. My main question is -- do I have any say in this? Should I just accept that now I will be the breadwinner for the next ten years or so?
– White Collar Romantic, Boston
A: WCR, you have a say, but it's not your final decision, if that makes sense. You're certainly allowed to have an opinion. And you're allowed to feel strange about his priority shift. It's an adjustment.
Of course, relationships are best when both parties are happy with their daily routines. When people are miserable all day, they wind up bringing that sadness home. Your guy wasn't happy, and you probably knew that early on. That means you knew he might wind up bailing on his white-collar job.
If you suspect that this hands-on job isn't going to bring him happiness in the long run, you can talk to him about his plan for what's next. And you're certainly allowed to discuss financial concerns. That's marriage. But if this is just about you and your family's inability to accept of what makes him happy, take pause. It doesn't mean that you're a bad person. It just means that you have very different interests and priorities than your partner. That's something to consider before walking down the aisle.
Find out if this kind of job really makes him happy. If it does, do some soul-searching. If it bothers you now, it will bother you like crazy in a decade.
And try to focus on him, not his mom. It's her job to make him as happy as possible. It's his job to consider himself without forgetting his partner.
Readers? Can she learn to accept his new job? Should she have to? Is this snobbery? Should she have a say in the decision? What's up with the mom? Share.
– Meredith
Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a new novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith here and on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.
Ask us a question
Theme song contest
Winner
Runner-up
Browse this blog
by categoryRelated links
- I bet you think this book is about you
- Taylor Schilling feels like 'The Lucky One'
- Could hypnotherapy cure my heartache?
