< Back to front page Text size +

I'm here and he's there

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  May 19, 2010 09:12 AM

E-mail this article

Invalid E-mail address
Invalid E-mail address

Sending your article

I'm going over to Fenway Park today with some Love Letters questions for our Red Sox person. Remember to RSVP for the June 4 party at events@globe.com.

Today is a light letter, but tomorrow is heavy, so prepare.

Chat at 1 p.m.

Q: Hi Meredith,

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now and the relationship is moving in the right direction. We have begun taking those next steps including looking for a place together and getting engaged.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, we both received offers for our dream jobs within two weeks of one another. I'm sure you're wondering, what's the issue then? His dream job required him to transfer to another state. We are doing the long distance thing for now but it is difficult on both of us and he is pushing for me to make the move to be with him. Under any other circumstances I would commit and make the move, however, his current position is only guaranteed for contracts of six month at a time. And his employers are talking about moving him to other cities as well.

This job is the best opportunity for him right now. It is going to make starting our lives together financially easier. But it is hard to start a life when you live in separate states.

I want to start my life with him but how can I be expected to give up my dream job to follow him on his quest that may only result in him being back in Boston after six months?

– Name A Tale of Two Cities, Quincy



A: ATOTC, sounds like you can't do anything until you find out where he'll be in six months. Fingers crossed that they transfer him straight to Quincy.

My guess is that after six months (or a year) one of you will be willing to give up your dream job. He'll get sick of traveling or you'll get sick of your work. The odds are good that the choice will be much easier by then with more information.

You asked how you could be expected to give up a dream job to accommodate his temporary position. You didn't ask how you could be expected to give up a dream job for love. You told us that "under any other circumstances I would commit and make the move." That means you're willing to take risks and make sacrifices without feeling resentful. That's 99.9 percent of the battle.

All you have to do is get logistical answers, which are on their way. My advice is to be patient. Please do not make a logistical problem an emotional one when it doesn't have to be. In life, we must enjoy the logistical problems. Those are the easy ones, right?

Readers? How can they make it work in separate states? Am I underestimating the frustration that comes with long distance and unanswered logistical questions? Any long-distance relationship advice for our reader? We get a lot of letters about "dream jobs" getting in the way of relationships. Is any job that important if it puts a relationship at risk? Talk.

– Meredith


E-mail this article

Invalid E-mail address
Invalid E-mail address

Sending your article

 
ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

Ask us a question

Required
Required
archives