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Am I doing it wrong?

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  June 30, 2010 08:40 AM

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Please eat lunch outside today. (After you chat with me at 1.)

Q: Hi Meredith,

I am going to try to give you and readers as much info as possible without making this too long. I know how you guys like the details.

I'm a 22-year-old female. I work 40-plus hours a week for a great company. I didn't go to college. Well, technically I started, but it just wasn't my cup of tea. I wish I had had the motivation to stay, but I never did well in high school and always loved to work. My company will eventually pay for me to go back, so if I decide to move up in the business I will definitely take them up on that, but for right now I am content.

Anyway, the reason I am writing to you is because my parents/family/some friends have been all over me about the fact that I haven't had a serious relationship. Not one. I have dated and enjoyed it very much, but with some guys it was the fact that I wouldn't sleep with them. Or I slept with them too soon, or there was just no connection. (For the record, my number of "pajama party" partners is not high).

The problem here is -- I am content with my life. I get to hang out with my friends whenever I want, do whatever I want. There is no one who gets jealous about dumb things and no one who makes me jealous. I have seen what my friends have gone through in their relationships and they always end with "I'm too young to be this in love, let’s see what the future brings" So it looks like a waste of time to me. If someone is just going to break your heart because they are so young, why try?

I'm not saying that if I met someone and he wanted to take me out, I'd say no. Because I believe that if it happens, it happens. But whenever I have gone looking for love it never worked out and I wound up devastated. I can’t tell if I am just scared of rejection or if I am honestly comfortable living the way that I do. I don't sleep around or anything, but I go out and just have a good time living.

I don't see why people think that the way I live my life is such a big deal. They say there is no way that I am happy. But to be honest I feel like for once I am starting to take care of myself and I've never been happier. I'm young. Isn't this how I should be living my life? Or do you think I'm making excuses because I'm too scared to put myself out there?

– Goin' With the Flow, Boston


A: GWTF, I was worried about you until you said that you've been devastated. If you've been devastated, you've put yourself out there. And you've made it clear to us that if some cute guy asked you out and turned out to be a winner, you'd be into it. You're just not running around with a "Husband Hunting!" sign on your forehead.

People want you to be happy. They want you to have someone to lean on. People mean well. But they don't know what's in your head and what you need as a 22-year-old.

I find it interesting that you spent a full paragraph telling us about your college experiences (or lack thereof) and your work plans. That was paragraph No. 1. That's your priority right now -- figuring out who you want to be.

"But to be honest I feel like for once I am starting to take care of myself and I've never been happier."

Repeat that to anyone who's concerned. You're doing well, my friend.

Readers? Is she hiding something here? If she were comfortable with her single situation would she be writing this letter? Are her friends and family just freaking her out? Is her job the priority? Discuss.

– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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