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Am I a bad person for ending it?

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  October 27, 2010 07:30 AM

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Q: I just broke up with my significant other ... due to some things about him that I found distasteful. Like certain mispronunciations he makes that make him appear less intelligent, and a strange facial tic.

I don't think he can change these things, and I don’t think I could stand them forever. He treated me very well and is a good person. I thought that I loved him, but recently these habits began to really bother me. Am I just a coldhearted witch for not being able to overlook the small things and be grateful for the good? At my age, should I just have been happy to have a partner that treated me well? (We are both hard-working, divorced, over-40 adults and have been together less than a year.) Thank you for any insight! (If it makes a difference, I am female!)

– Coldhearted Witch

A: One of my wise acquaintances always says that if it bothers you now, it will drive you crazy in a few decades.

You're not supposed to have unreasonable expectations for suitors (and that's not an age thing -- there's no Prince Charming), but if life without this guy seems more appealing than life with him, you were right to leave, CW.

If it makes you feel less witchy, I'm pretty sure this isn't about the tic. It's the whole package. When you're really in deep with someone, tics and mispronunciations are forgivable. Maybe even cute.

We're supposed to be realistic. But we're not supposed to settle for someone we don't really want simply because we're over 40 and they're nice. If you were a real witch (and I mean "witch" in the scary, green, "Wizard of Oz" sense, not the I-live-in-Salem-and-practice-Wicca sense), you would have stayed with someone you didn't love simply because you were afraid of being alone. If you're a witch, you're a good witch.

Readers? Am I right? Is she overlooking too much good? Is this really about the tic and the pronunciations? Should her age matter? Discuss.


– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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