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It's beginning to look a lot like updates

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  December 24, 2010 07:40 AM

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Here are Christmas Eve updates for your reading pleasure.

You'll get more on New Year's Eve.

This first update is from a woman who was baffled in Boxford.

He took me out on my birthday which was quite illuminating. The golden shimmer I'd seen reflecting off of him started to rust a bit, as he made comments that felt less than great to me. Ever the optimist (read: fool) I went out with him the following weekend and participated in a pajama party. On the "morning after" he didn't even stay put in the bed with me; instead he jumped on his laptop with the lame excuse "I thought you wanted to sleep" blah blah blah.

After that fiasco, we didn't see each other for several weeks, during which time I believe he started up with someone new, I'm not totally sure. We met up again in early Summer and he said he was going to go his own way (AFTER I'd spent two evenings prior entertaining his young son and son's friend). I felt used and down; it was 'el yuck-o' being me for a while. Live and learn I suppose. Remember, he was the guy who'd cheated on his wife, so I consoled myself with thoughts of not having to worry about him ever cheating on me. Those thoughts helped a little.

This was a heavy letter from a long time ago. The letter writer checks in with some good news.

Meredith,

I am very happy to share this. I would like to let everyone know that due to the event that I wrote about, my wife and I became closer than ever. We went to counseling and realized that we were just taking each other for granted. I even spoke to the wife of the the man who is my wife's ex-boyfriend, as she saw the event, and she admitted it was his fault, not my wife's. We recently celebrated 12 years of marriage and are happy. That does not mean it is a fairy tale marriage or anything. We still have our moments, but we know how to deal with them better. I know that we will be together for many more years and that only open and honest communication will allow that to happen. Remember -- the truth hurts but lies and deceit hurt a lot worse.

And now, an update from a woman who was dealing with two men.

Hello Meredith,

First I would like to thank all the readers and you for the great advice. I truly appreciated it and it was enlightening. I decided to not date John and try to be purely friends. I know it was totally against your advice! I felt that if we could cultivate a friendship first in time perhaps a relationship could blossom. At least that was the idea. Well let me say that this did not go well with him! It was all I needed to confirm that I didn’t need such a person in my life. So I gave him the boot and sent him on his way!

Eric and I are still really good friends and I have truly come to enjoy our friendship as is. In the past few months I began to date a person that I have known for quite a while but initially had no romantic feelings for. Things are going really well and I truly see the potential of developing something great with him in the future.

All the comments, especially the harsher ones, were great, and many of the readers reiterated what I was already feeling. It was the tough love that I needed.

Thanks once again and I hope everyone has a safe holiday season! Keep on giving such great advice!

And there you have it. Merry Christmas. Ho ho ho. See you Monday.


– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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