< Back to front page Text size +

My forbidden love

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  December 3, 2010 09:00 AM

E-mail this article

Invalid E-mail address
Invalid E-mail address

Sending your article

Vote Lloyd Dobler in '10! Remember, this isn't about choosing the best romantic movie of all time -- it's about choosing your favorite, the one you want to see with me on Dec. 10. Yes, I'm trying to sway you. Vote here. Buy tickets here.

As for the pre-party, it will be at Orleans in Davis Square from 7 to 8:30. There will be food and mingle time. Wesley and I will take movie ticket holders over to the Somerville Theatre at 8:30 for the 9 p.m. screening. There will be special treats for the movie buffs.


Q: While on vacation over the summer, I met someone special. I had just recently separated from my husband of two years and was not in a good place emotionally. This stranger gave me a much needed compliment and we ended up exchanging contact information. We immediately began e-mailing, texting, and talking on the phone. He was giving me a reason to get out of bed everyday and I was inspiring him to be a better man.

Here's the catch, He's 24 and I'm 33. Although he is completely sober, he has had previous problems with drugs and alcohol. He calls me his angel because I have given him a reason to fight his addictions and make him realize that his past doesn't define who he is.

Through our lengthy conversations and complete respect for one another, we have fallen in love. We had an amazing weekend together and he has made me realize that my marriage lacked many things, as he has given me more respect than my husband ever did.

I know my biological clock is ticking and reality tells me that at 24, this man isn't going to be my future husband. The question is....is it wrong to continue a "forbidden love" with a man who cannot give me what I truly want in life or is is OK to continue my "friendship" with him as he makes me smile during a time of personal pain due to a failed marriage?

– Too Young?, Boston

A: I'm not saying that this guy is your forever-I-love-you-soul-mate -- I have no idea what he is -- but I wouldn't underestimate his potential. He's been through a lot at 24.

There is an age gap here, don't get me wrong, but it's not so bad that it's forbidden. My advice is to stop treating this like forbidden love. How often do you see him? Can you make this feel more like a real relationship?

If you start behaving like this is legit, you'll find out whether your priorities are totally out of sync or whether in reality, you're actually on the same page. Perhaps after a battle with addiction he's looking for a mature 33-year-old who doesn’t live in a bar after work -- someone he can really talk to. And perhaps after a rough marriage, this is all you're ready for. Is your clock really ticking? Are you really ready to find someone else to marry?

If you're not seeing him, ask to visit. If you are seeing him, see him more often. Try to make this as real as possible. It'll either explode or turn into something that feels pretty fantastic.

Readers? Am I being naive about the potential here? Should the age gap matter so much? Is this forbidden love? Is the addiction issue something to be concerned about? Should she be focused on her clock? Discuss.


– Meredith


E-mail this article

Invalid E-mail address
Invalid E-mail address

Sending your article

 
ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

Ask us a question

Required
Required
archives