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I'm too tall in shoes

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  January 3, 2011 07:30 AM

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Good morning.


Q: Hi Meredith,

I always see couples in movies looking so happy, and the next thing I look at is their height. The guy is always taller than the woman, even when she is wearing gorgeous heels. Is that how it always has to be?

I understand that if it is love you can make it work, but sometimes when things aren't of the "norm" people are not as accepting or look at you funny. My boyfriend, who I am completely in love with, is maybe an inch taller back-to-back, no shoes on. I have not worn heels with him since we started dating even though I feel feminine and sexy when I wear them out with my girlfriends.

I want to look past this and be able to wear heels out with him but for some reason, being taller than him bothers me. We have been dating for almost three years and I want to stress that this would never make or break our relationship, but it is something that I think about often. How do I overcome this? He knows how I feel about this and he has no problem with me wearing heels.

I have this image that the male should be taller than the female. Can I change this and feel sexy when I am taller than him?

– Being Picky About the Small Things, Boston

A: I'm not going to yell at you for fixating on something so trivial, BPATST. You feel the way you feel. You're just being honest.

Some women feel less feminine when they earn more than their partners. Others attach femininity to age. In reality, sexiness, femininity, and attractiveness are all about attitude. Are there ways to trick yourself into feeling more like a natural woman when you put on the big shoes? Perfume? Shiny hair clips? Silky clothing? Playing a certain song while you get ready for your night out?

You say that you don't want people to look at you funny. I promise -- they're not. It's all in your head. And as for the movie thing, well, those famous guys are wearing lifts, I swear. It's Hollywood. Don't believe any of it. Your guy is the real thing.

Again, I'm not going to scold you for worrying about height, but you shouldn't be thinking about this so often. Throw on those heels, take his hand, and enjoy what you have.

Readers? What's the real issue here? Why is she thinking about this so much? Do other people feel this way about their height -- or money, or age, or anything else that shouldn't matter? Discuss.


– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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