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We can't stay broken up

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  January 6, 2011 08:24 AM

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Next week is the second anniversary of Love Letters. It's the 11th, I think.

Yes, we will eventually have an event to celebrate (details soon), but in the meantime, I have an idea that involves elastic pants. Because the traditional gift for a second anniversary is cotton, I want pictures of readers in their best cotton get-up. You don't even have to include your face in the photo -- just neck-down in cotton works for me. The most creative, fun pic will get a prize. Don't send me naked photos, not that you would. I want cotton. Cotton on groups of people. Comfy cotton on loners. Cotton on cotton. E-mail them to meregoldstein at gmail dot com by Monday at 11:55 p.m. and I'll pick a winner by Tuesday.

* 1 p.m. update. Love Letters anniversary is actually Jan. 22. You can send cotton photos to me at the e-mail address above, or submit here. Deadline is now Jan. 17 at 6 a.m.

Speaking of nudity, tomorrow's letter is about naked people and hot tubs. Today's is less controversial.


Q: I was with my college boyfriend for several years. We broke up just before I graduated and he (being a few years older) took a job in the city. Several months later I went to Boston for work and we quickly fell back in touch. We began communicating daily and things started to feel like they used to. We never officially got back together, but it was like a committed relationship for several months. We got into a fight about our future and I quickly cut off all communication.

Things haven't changed much. We go from fighting to making up. I erase his number, he shows up at my doorstep. We've discussed it and we both find it nearly impossible to sever all ties. We have just become so dependent upon each other that we can't move on. There was a large gap between us last year when I moved out of state and we both saw other people, but it just didn't work out and I ended up moving back.

I feel like he's the love of my life and I just can't let him go. But I also feel like if he is the love of my life it shouldn't be this hard to make a relationship work. Please help!

– Still Attached, Cape

A: My advice is to hang on to him, SA. Not because I think that this relationship is going to work, but because you need to get thoroughly sick of it before you move on. Stay with him. Call him. Call him again. Break up. Get back together. Get nauseous about the whole thing. Wallow in frustration. Eventually, you won't have the energy for the routine. Or he won't. One of you will walk away.

Worst case scenario -- you stay together and start making it work. Really, you'll either hit a wall and drop each other or start doing what you need to do to make each other happy. But you have to exhaust yourself before you go one way or the other. You're just not exhausted yet. Sometimes maintaining the status quo is the best way to get to the right decision.

Readers? Is the answer to continue until they hit a wall? Or will they just keep the cycle going forever? What should SA do? Is there a way to cut him off? Discuss.


– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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