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Love Letters spam and updates

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  February 21, 2011 05:58 AM

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It's Presidents Day, a good time for Love Letters spam and updates. Spam is what I call the Love Letters entries that were too short or nonsensical to even consider (sometimes they're actually spam). Feel free to advise the spammers,as you have in the past. And below that, you'll find two updates.

The spam:

so my boyfriend loves for me to show alot of lovin to him but when it comes to me he aacts like its a job or a chore to give me lovin and he always says you always need loving so i dont know what to do
-- girlygirl, idahofalls Idaho

My boyfriend tells me alot about his life and his past... but to be completely honest i dont know how to start with my life and my past, he wants me to tell him more, but i just dont know where to start! What should i do...?
-- Sisi, Courtenay B.C

Every past relationship I've had the guys were jerks n didn't really need affection. My relationship now who I love more then anything in this world n he loves me too but he need affection n me to open up to him n I don't know how too.could u please help me.
-- heartbroken, philly

I am serious about this man the new and also I do not know what to say about myself. I'm very serious with a deep breath and a big heart, and I'm going very easy and the person hard, and I also do not tend to procrastinate, but it is important to me does not work,and a certificate, and the main family, and my heart open to love,and I want to create an atmosphere is beautiful in my family In order to be happy with a woman not only to make love, but also to give them! I am honest and sincere, and caring too! Beautiful andintelligent too! I am confident, calm, purposeful, intelligent, responsible and honest, gentle, sincere, and elegant, sociable,communication and sensitive, gentle, cheerful, optimistic and veryromantic love animals, travel, and go to theaters, cinemas, parks,galleries and museums, concerts, and I am very creative. I do notcare about age or nationality or the distance that I think it's just anumber and a point only allows us to know more about each otherbefore meeting in person. I am looking forward to meet a woman honest ..
-- Brahi, L...............

It may have already been asked .. But I am looking for a program that will allow batch conversion to multiple folders so that I may burn the items to disks at a later time. I know with some programs that it takes a long time. I currently have PowerProduer 3, Nero 7
DVDflick - a most excellent program, I might have ConvertX somewhere. I just got DVDSanta and I dont know how big the watermark is. the watermark with convertx is tolerable what would you all recommend. I would have about 13 files to make ready for play on a standard DVD player. Thank you.
-- ipod to computer transfer, Nuuk

Hi Meredith,
I have to know, where I rent a hot tub by the hour in Boston? Love your column.
Regards,
-- Will, Marblehead, ma

Why do men hurt you more on this day? when all you want to do is tell them you love them all they want is tohave sex not even makelove only have sex
-- minnielou, Tx.

I am 41 years old male and Sure I have been interested in woman but none of them seem to be interested in me at all. What do I do. I struggle some much with the desires and feelings of wanting someone to share my life with. Maybe I am just too nice
-- Ryan, Mesa


And now the updates.

From the woman who had some abandonment issues.

I wrote in about two months ago, and I wanted to update you on the current sitch. I was the letter-writer who hated when her long-time boyfriend traveled, "Afraid of Being Afraid."

First of all, wow! I'm not a Stage 5 Clinger, everybody! :) I never prevented him from going on business trips, and I'm definitely not the call-and-check-in-on-him-every-ten-minutes type of gal. I just felt lonely and unhappy whenever he left, especially when he was overseas. But let's let bygones be bygones.

What's happened in the past two months? Well, first of all, we had a loooong discussion about how his work affected both of us. I realized one of the biggest problems was that Guy doesn't call when he travels. He rarely "checked in" while on the road, even once a day. I told him I would feel much more comfortable with even a "good morning" or a "good night" text, just to know that he's safe. He was fine with that, and I think it's only fair. On recent trips, it's been a huge relief. I was feeling completely forgotten; he didn't realize it was a problem at all.

I still wonder if Guy cheats, given some of the locations he goes and who his coworkers are, but for the most part, I have to let it go. The only big snag in the relationship still is the sudden cancellations and changes of plans, but I will have to get used to it as time goes on. Still, would it be an ideal world if he kept similar hours to me and his coworkers were all a bunch of dowdy nuns? Yes. But I guess this isn't an ideal world after all.

The other good part of this is that I've gotten a new job. My new job is fantastic, gives me much more freedom and autonomy, and a whole new circle of close friends. I do need to work on feeling more independent from him, and hopefully, that will come in time. Pottery classes, here I come.

Otherwise, most of the advice was tough but necessary, and I'm glad I wrote in. Hope everyone is doing well.

And from a woman who was afraid to end it.

I would like to give an update on the letter I wrote a couple of months ago. As it turns out, as I was writing the letter, my boyfriend felt the same way -- that neither of us were happy. He brought it up and was kind of surprised when I told him I'd been thinking about breaking up every day for the past six months and had been very unhappy myself. After that, I was miserable for about three days and even had trouble sleeping. I didn't tell anyone except for my mother for two weeks because I couldn't even talk about it without sobbing. I was just trying to focus on holding it together on the bus home from work. But then I reclaimed my life -- and quickly. It was a big relief to not worry about what he was thinking and what I was doing wrong every night. I've continued to make progress in my own self-improvement, but I'm also happy doing things I once enjoyed that he found distasteful. Now I can listen to NPR and watch TV programs like Modern Family and 30 Rock, which he found unimpressive.

We have done one activity together since the breakup and he told me that sometimes he questioned us breaking up because we didn't even have a lot of problems, he said. There have also been a couple of painful post-breakup moments involving him, but it has only validated us breaking up even more. The most important thing that I did right away to hold myself together was recommitting myself to appreciating the people around me and everything that I have. Even people at my job have commented on how happy and healthy I've seemed lately. I told them that I just feel really grateful. And it’s true. I really feel like this ended so I would be free and open to find a better person for me. I am online dating and it is interesting, but I'm not taking it too seriously, just having fun. I'm still on a path to creating a full and vibrant life, but I'm proud of how far I've come!

Thanks for some of your readers advice - I realize now that what I was planning with him wasn't real. It was based on what I thought *might* happen in the future. And that holding on to his family was also really silly and unrealistic.

The end. Enjoy the holiday.

– Meredith

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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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