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Do I have a bad track record?

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  March 28, 2011 07:50 AM

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Reminder: If you need a night out, get tickets to tomorrow night's performance of this. I'll be doing a talkback after the show.

Also, if you were assigned a book review and haven't turned it in, send it. And as you send it, picture me doing the "you missed your deadline" finger wag.


Q: Hi Meredith,

I have been reading your column since before I moved back to this great city. On to my dilemma/question. I am a 56-year-old twice divorced guy. First marriage was when I was 19 and "did the right thing." Second one lasted 18 yrs until she decided she didn't want to be married anymore. I have been dating someone now for about six months and she recently told me that while she enjoys my company she doesn't see me as marriage material. When I asked her why, she commented that my "track record" makes me a poor candidate for marriage. Meredith, I was a good husband and father for 18 years and I am very much a relationship kinda guy.

Am I going to be blacklisted for life because of two marriages (one of which was at 19) that didn't work??? Is there still hope for someone my age to be able to find someone that can see past my track record?

– Back in Boston at last


A: There is hope for you, BIBAL. And as far as I'm concerned, this woman is a "poor candidate for marriage." Marriage is about acceptance and honesty, not about finding the person with the best dating resume.

There are zillions of women out there who would happily date a self-aware guy who has been married twice for understandable reasons. It's not as though you bailed on nice people because you were bored. You got married too young and then committed to someone for almost two decades. That's not a terrible track record, in my opinion.

Keep in mind, it's possible that this woman was lying about the reason she ended the relationship. It's possible that she just didn't know how to break up with you without blaming your divorces.

Either way, she's out and you're still dateable. I'm sorry it took her six months to object to something you probably told her right off the bat. When you're ready, get back out there and keep fishing -- with confidence.

Readers? Does the LW have a bad track record? Was this woman just coming up with an easy reason to end it? Are two divorces a red flag? Discuss.

– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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