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Scared to see his therapist

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  March 30, 2011 08:15 AM

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I will post all of the hilarious compliments/insults from yesterday's contest tomorrow (without names, of course). And thanks to all who entered -- and to those who came to the play. It was a very fun night.

And ... book reviews will be posted next week.

Today is chat day.


Q: Hi Meredith,

I have been in a solid, loving relationship for the past 7 months. We fell for each other hard and fast.

Here's the tricky part. He was depressed for much of his younger years and has found solace in going to therapy. As our relationship has gotten more and more serious, he is urging me to attend these sessions with him.

My question is this: Should I be worried that a relationship should need therapy after such a short time or should I be thankful that my boyfriend values our relationship and wants me to be a part of this area of his life? Thanks for the advice!

– Therapy Scares the Bejesus Out of Me, Boston


A: Don't be scared, TSTBOOM. He doesn't want to bring you to therapy because he thinks that you're a mess as a couple. He's bringing you because therapy is a big part of his life and because he wants you do understand what's going on in his noggin.

Go at least once if it's important to him. It'll either be OK -- maybe even enlightening and helpful -- or it'll reveal something bad that you needed to know anyway. You don't have to commit to more than one session. You can ask the therapist once you get there whether this is something that you need to be a part of on a regular basis. My guess is that your boyfriend just wants to put your relationship through his system of checks and balances. Nice that he wants you to be a part of something that makes his life better. Right? No need to freak out until he's given you reason to. But once you agree to go, set boundaries.

Readers? Would you go to therapy with someone after seven months if there weren't any relationship problems? Why do you think he wants the LW there? Should the LW be afraid? What boundaries should the LW set? Discuss.

– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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