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Crush on my roommate

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  September 16, 2011 08:37 AM

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Q: Hi Meredith,

I'm a woman in my twenties, personable, fun, goal-oriented, and fairly good looking (I've been told); in other words, I don't have trouble getting a date. I met a great guy recently who I think is a total catch: funny, handsome, smart, etc. Even though our relationship has been completely platonic since we've know each other, we spend a lot of time together and get along well. My rational side also recognizes that we have enough common interests and values for a serious relationship (in fact, probably more so than with any other person I've known before). In terms of actually dating, I've been getting some mixed signals. While I don't think I'm his usual type, there does seem to be some sort of connection there and his friends have said things that hint that we could be good together (though maybe that's just how I want to interpret it).

I normally would have no qualms about asking a guy out and finding out for sure if he's interested or not, and if he isn't, I'd have no problem moving on. But here's the twist: this amazing guy is my roommate. What do I do?!

We didn't even know each other before moving in, so as it is I feel lucky that we get along so well. I'm just afraid of making the first move, getting rejected, and creating an incredibly awkward roommate situation. At the same time, it's hard to just forget about someone and move on when you live with that person. I feel stuck, and I don't want to spend the remainder of our lease (with more than six months left) tormenting myself with what-ifs.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

– Lease Locked, Boston


A: LL, you have more than six months left on your lease? That means you've only lived with this guy for a few months, right. As of now, this is just a crush. See if it develops.

Usually I advise people to talk about crushes as soon as they can, but in your case there's reason to wait. In two months, the tension might be so electric that you both feel the need to talk about it. Or maybe you'll realize that he's great for playing house but that you don't want to date him in real life.

If you still feel the same way in a month or two, bring it up. At that point there will be nothing to lose. You'll be uncomfortable no matter what, so it'll be better to get the discussion out of the way.

You can write us another letter then. Because even if he reciprocates, this is going to get messy. Hopefully in a good way. Good luck. (And yes, you are allowed to wear cute pajamas around the house. That goes without saying.)

Readers? Should she talk about this now or wait a month or two? Should she just keep quiet about it forever? Is it possible that she's just confused because of the intimacy that comes with cohabitation? Ever dated a roommate? Discuss.

– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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