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Should I drop everything and travel with him

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  September 28, 2011 10:35 PM

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Q: Hi Meredith,

Frequent lurker and first-time letter writer. I come to Love Letters hoping to get some insight from you and the frequent Love Letters readers. I am almost 30 and dating someone my age. We've been seeing each other for almost a year and things have been great. I don't want to gush on and on about how truly blessed I feel to have this man be a part of my life, but it's hard not to! He's sweet, funny, smart … OK, OK, I'll stop there.

At this point you may be wondering what my problem is. I'll be honest, it has less to do with him and more to do with me. A few months ago, he asked me to go traveling with him. He will be finishing up a degree and will have a few months off before he begins a job. He's asked me to go with him and naturally, my first thought was to say yes. I've always wanted to do something like pick up my stuff and just go, but I've always held back. The oldest in a somewhat dysfunctional family, I was assigned the "mother" role very early on in my childhood and have played that role ever since. I've always been the responsible one with the well-paying, stable career, the family member everyone came to rely on. I'm not complaining about this nor do I feel resentment. So here I am with a reasonably well-paying job that is OK (I'm definitely not in love with my job), family and friends and roots in Boston, my car, apartment, etc., etc. The bottom line is that I'm scared about leaving. I would have to quit my job (leave would not be an option), leave my friends, my family, basically everything that i know to be "safe" and just go. Love Letters people, that scares the holy beejebus out of me!

My non-sensible side is telling me to just do this -- to not over think this and to go and enjoy a few months abroad with a man I am crazy about. The question is: Is non-sensible me deserving of being locked up in a mental ward or should she be put on a plane next to her amazing man?

– Maybe World Traveler, Boston


A: MWT, your non-sensible side is actually your sensible side. You want to go. You want us to tell you to go. And you should go. There's no real reason not to.

Your reservations aren't about your boyfriend. They're about practical matters, which really aren't a problem at this point in your life. There will be other jobs, and if your family knew that they were your reason for staying, they'd probably roll their eyes and call you a martyr.

GO. Go. And stop over-thinking it before you drive your boyfriend crazy. Many people would panic about taking a long trip with a significant other. If that's not your concern, you have much to celebrate.

At some point during this relationship, you're going to have to make a big leap for your boyfriend, even if it's a scary one that puts you at risk. This trip is good practice. Good, sensible practice.

Readers? Any reason to stay? The LW didn't mention this, but is it wrong for the boyfriend to expect someone to drop everything and travel with him? Discuss.

– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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