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Am I at a bad age?

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  October 6, 2011 08:43 AM

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Q: Hi Meredith, et al.,

OK, so my question is the question that has probably been asked a zillion times.

Where do professional single women (no kids) over the age of 35 go to meet professional single men who are interested in dating women over 35?

I've tried the internet, meet ups, sporting events (participant and spectator), but it appears most men are interested in girls under 35. Those who are interested in the 36 and up range tend to be on the older side (like 50 and older). I am 37. I am looking to meet men between 33-45 (ideally).

I am attractive, educated, successful, outgoing, happy, blah, blah, blah, but I can't shake this feeling that my age is hindering my chances to meet a nice, available guy.

I've been told by my guy friends that men are scared of girls over 35 because these guys think the girls want to get married and pregnant right away. Is this true? Sure, I want those things, but I am not running around with a registry gun looking to pounce on the first single guy who asks me out.

I've also been told that I am at a "bad" age. This means that all the single guys in my age range are either on or past the threshold of being confirmed bachelors (in other words, they have issues). The rest are married. One friend told me that I am going to have to wait for the married men to divorce in order to find a decent guy. Yikes, really? I don't want to believe this either.

And just so everyone knows, I am very happy with my life. I don’t feel like I need a man to complete me; however, having a partner would be the icing on the proverbial cake.

So what's a girl (and all the other never married, single girls) to do?

I know these guys are out there.

– Where are they hiding?, Boston


A: WATH, you are at an awkward age for dating. Not a bad age (that sounds too negative), just awkward. I won't lie to you and make the situation sound rosier than it is. You may not be running around with a registry gun, but the vibe is there. You're a 37-year-old who wants marriage and kids (right?). That means your timeline is different than a 28-year-old's, and men your age are (and should be) concerned about wasting your time.

Also, your friends are right about the marriage/divorce stuff. I can't make that reality sound better than it is. A lot of people your age are married. And many of them will be divorced. They're just not there yet.

But there is some good news here, I swear. Statistics aside, dating is awkward at any age. There might be plenty of options at 28, but no one feels accountable. At your age, you can assess suitors without having to wonder what they'll be like when they grow up. And while many singles (not just men) do like to date younger people, some don't. I remember a male friend of mine once saying to me, "I want to date a peer." Those guys exist.

You should accept is that this process will be slow. I can't promise you that you'll meet someone soon, and you will have to continue doing all of that work (classes, teams, set-ups, websites, etc.) to improve your odds. I know it's exhausting, but that's reality. Keep on truckin' and remember that yes, you're at an awkward age, but you're also at an honest one. That's a huge help.

Readers? Is she at a "bad" age? Will she have to wait for people to get divorced? Anything she should be doing to make this better? Do most men want to date younger women -- or is that just an online dating thing? Discuss.

– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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