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I think my boyfriend is a letter writer

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  October 11, 2011 09:00 AM

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**** Update at noon: The letter writer says this is the letter in question.

Please give yesterday's letter some love -- and enter the "Next Fall" contest if you want a free night at the theater. (You have until noon.)

I love today's letter.


Q: Dear Meredith,

I just rediscovered Love Letters and I've been binge reading the archives.

I've been dating this great guy for the last few months. Things are going really well, he's sweet and good to me, and we have a great time together. It's not just that we share common interests, but he makes me laugh and I love being around him. I feel like this has real long-term potential.

Here's the thing. In my reading of the Love Letters archives, I stumbled upon one letter in particular that sounded strangely familiar. In fact, I'm 99 percent sure that my boyfriend wrote it. It's his exact voice, and I even remember having a conversation with him that included some of the same ideas. The letter itself isn't about our relationship (he wrote it when he was single, before we met), or even really his past relationships. It doesn't have to do with another woman at all; it's just about dating in general.

The problem isn't about the letter, or even about us. The question is: Do I tell him I found it? Do I risk him being embarrassed? I don't think it will damage our relationship; in fact I'm pretty sure we can joke about it, but it might be a little awkward.

Also, I realize readers might think I'm being passive aggressive by writing in to you about this, in a place where he could very likely read it and realize it's about him. That's not my intention, and I'm not upset about the letter -- if anything, it's kind of adorable. I'm writing out of genuine curiosity about what others would do in this situation, and I figured that you and the Love Letters community would get a kick out of this conundrum.

I know that if I don't tell him it's going to feel like I'm keeping a secret, and I hate doing that. I also don't feel like he's keeping this from me -- why would he bring it up? Should I simply say "Hey, I found this old Love Letter, it sounds just like you...!" and see what he says? Can we laugh about old Love Letters together, or should I just forget about it?

– Letter Writer Dating Letter Writer, Massachusetts


A: Wow. It's all so meta.

My advice? Tell him that you're a super fan of Love Letters and see if he bites and confesses. If he doesn't, leave it alone. Sure, the two of you would probably wind up laughing about the whole thing, but I'm not convinced that the conversation is worth the giggle.

My concern is that you'll push the issue only to find out that he's not the letter writer. Do you really want to tell him that you made this assumption only to find out that he has no idea what you're talking about? What if he goes online to read the letter (and comments) and gets offended? Is it worth it?

I have to tell you that at least a few people a day contact me because they're convinced that the letter writer is their boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse. For the record, they're almost always wrong (not that I'd tell them if they were right).

We're supposed to have secrets. Let him be the anonymous letter writer because, well, he deserves to be. Feel safe knowing that if you're right, you're dating a very cool guy who is even cooler because he likes Love Letters. Again, you can bring up the column, but if he doesn't reveal anything on his own, don't dig.

Readers? Are you dying to know which letter she's talking about? Should she tell him that she suspects that he's a letter writer? Should it matter? Ever suspect that your significant other is a Love Letters letter writer? Were you right? Discuss.

– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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