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My ex's wife is jealous

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  October 4, 2011 08:30 AM

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Q: Dear Meredith,

I'm not really sure what to do, and since it involves love, I thought I'd give you and your readers a try.

In the mid-2000s, I dated a very nice man, "Noel," who was great, just not a good fit. I was the one who ended it, but we both saw it coming, and while it was painful, we were both OK with it.

I have since started dating "Ben," who I've known for a long time. Noel met a nice woman and got married. Good for them.

The problem is Noel's wife. Noel and I don't talk much, but we know each other's major life changes. We are friends on Facebook (and here's where it's about to get icky). Noel recently posted that he finished a long race. I knew he'd been working up to it for a while, so I commented my congratulations. Nothing inappropriate.

When I got up the next morning, I had a Facebook message from Mrs. Noel. It was not nice. "Don't talk to my husband!" was just one of the choice phrases.

I am tempted to tell my ex that his wife is crazy, but that feels like tattling. On the other hand, I would want to know if my significant other was doing something like that.

– Should I Say Something?, Boston


A: You need to stay out of it, SISS. And no more commenting on his Facebook profile. I'm not saying that you're in the wrong for saying a quick congrats online, but you don't know what this woman has been told about you. For all you know, Noel has mentioned you over the years with a bit too much love in his eyes. For all you know, they're having problems.

If she really is a crazy person, he'll find out without you having to tell him. If she behaves like this with other people, Noel will figure it out. This isn't your problem to solve, and you're not his platonic friend. You're just a well-meaning ex who needs to fade away.

If he ever asks why you've stopped checking in, you can tell him that you want to respect the boundaries of his marriage. That will be enough of a hint.

Readers? Should she reach out to Noel? Is Noel's wife wrong about the contact or is this more about her delivery? Would you want to know from an ex if your new wife had acted out? Discuss.

– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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