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A co-worker crush

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  November 23, 2011 08:06 AM

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Hey there. No chat today.
You'll get updates over the next two days, so enjoy.
And have a happy Thanksgiving.


Q: Dear Meredith,

I work with this guy who is fairly new to the office. I have taken an interest in him and it would appear that he has an interest in me as well. He was very shy at first (most people in the office think he is shy), however I don't find him to be shy at all. Every time I walk by him he starts acting like a five year old ... throwing stuff at me, etc. A number of mutual friends and co-workers have questioned him about his interest in me and have flat out asked why he hasn't asked me out yet or made a move. His response is always, "I don't want to date or be romantic with someone I work with but she is really cute and cool."

I'm very inexperienced with dating. I don't have a lot of confidence in myself when it comes to guys, strictly because I am not ever approached or asked out. I am not saying that I am head over heels in love with this guy, but I am very comfortable around him and I have a great time when he is around. This is someone I am very interested in getting to know better to see if there really is something there.

So, my question: Is this something I can change his mind about? If so, how do I go about it without making things awkward? And if he really isn't interested why does he go out of his way to talk to me, acknowledge me, and be a constant flirt? (Please keep in mind that he does not act like this around anyone else in the office.)

– Is He Interested?, Boston


A: Ask him out. For coffee. Something easy.

He's telling mutual friends that he won't date a co-worker but he hasn't told you a thing. Instead of getting this information third and fourth hand, approach him directly. And don't let your confidence mess with you. You already know that he thinks you're cute and cool. He is interested. Even if he says no to an evening out, you know that he digs you. No matter what he says, this will be a wonderful practice activity.

You have every reason to be self-assured. Yes, it's possible that he'll stick to his rules about dating in the work place, but honestly, it's easier to tell friends that you're not going to pursue a crush than it is to look into the face of your crush and say, "No thanks."

Ask him to hang out. Keep us posted.

Readers? Should she respect his rule? Do you think that he’d say yes to her even though he said no to their friends? Is asking someone out any easier if you're experienced? Discuss.

– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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