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Pre-Christmas Updates

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  December 23, 2011 09:00 AM

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It's time for holiday updates. Let's start with an update from someone dealing with Gisele-ish issues.

Hi Meredith,

When I last left Love Letters, the man I was seeing had just heard he was going to be a father. A beautiful, healthy child was born recently and he couldn't be more thrilled. He already is in love with the baby and it's a joy to see him hold the infant. I will have the privilege of watching him grow into fatherhood because we have reconciled and have been seeing each other regularly for about a month. He has a reasonably good relationship with the mother, although she tends to not want to have a lot to do with me. She will have primary custody of the child and he will have every other weekend for the time being. He has cut back on travel for the next few months so he can bond with his little one. Our reconciliation came about after he asked me to dinner one night and we had a long talk about the past few months. He apologized for cutting me out of his life and he was grateful that I handled it all with "grace and dignity." He asked if we could start again -- not start over, but again -- and I said that we should take it one day at a time. We are still going strong. I looked back on my letter and the comments and realize now more than then how it was brave of me to ask the question of whether or not we could still have a future. I am very happy. Thank you to all of those who commented and thank you, Meredith, for such good advice.

-- It Worked Out for Gisele (and It's Working Out for Me Too :) )

Here's an update from someone who was having sweet but stressful dreams.

I have an update on my letter and oddly enough it comes exactly one year later. I'm the guy who wrote in about my ex haunting my dreams.

I took your advice and defriended Suzanne. Then out of the blue, about a month ago, Suzanne emails me to tell me that she found a mixtape that I'd made for her. She said she listened to it start to finish and thought of me. Wow...

It's just ironic that I agonized over the decision of whether to break our long radio silence and contact her, and when I decided I would not, she did instead. And I'm happy to report that since her email, she has not appeared in my dreams since.

And now an update from someone who started dating a guy with a past.

Hi Meredith,

I read your advice and slowed it down a couple notches. All was laid out on the table. The LL commenters terrified me with negative comments, telling me to run far away. I was worried that I was making a horrible decision to continue dating this man. However, I realized that in the end, I am the one who is dating this person and need to follow my gut. Well, it has been about 8 months and am happiest I have ever been.

I wish I could show readers the man that I have fallen in love with, instead of just writing about him. On paper the relationship seemed to be doomed, but in reality our everyday life together is quite lovely....he makes me laugh, he is sensitive, affectionate, caring, supportive, loving, cooks, cleans, etc etc.

He has a steady job, is seeing a therapist, and is working to go back to school. There is still a lot he must overcome, but is working very hard to turn his life around. He has supportive friends and family, and knows that he (and we) must take each day as it comes.

Again, thank you for listening!

Finally, an update from someone who asked us about love and realism.

I wrote in a couple of months ago with the letter "Is this relationship realistic?" as a medical student in my early 20s who is in a long-distance relationship with a thirty-something, frequently traveling executive.

We are both still together -- happily. I've realized some of the things that make the relationship challenging are the same things that make it work so well. We each have very busy schedules, and our current situation allows us to focus on what we have to do separately, without too much distraction. Plus, it's just that much more special when we
do get to see each other. I recently visited him in Boston a couple of weeks ago and we had an absolutely wonderful time together. He is amazing, and I feel like we fit together well.

Thanks for all the advice. I appreciate Meredith's advice about how I shouldn't rush to question or label the relationship, but take it as it comes and see how things go. This situation is only temporary (I will [eventually] get out of school and he won't always have as crazy of a travel schedule). I don’t know what the future will hold, and I've realized that's okay. He makes me very happy and I have enjoyed every minute that we’ve spent together.

OK. You'll get Love Letters spam Monday. Have a fantastic holiday weekend. Roast some chestnuts.

- Meredith

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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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