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Am I living in a fantasy?

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  January 27, 2012 08:15 AM

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A quickie contest:

I'm doing a quick Q&A after Sunday's performance of the Huntington's "God of Carnage" with the beautiful and wise Miss Conduct.

If you want a pair of tickets, send me a paragraph (less than 300 words) about the most childish fight that you've ever had in an adult relationship -- and why you want passes to Sunday's matinee. Send your paragraph to meregoldstein at gmail dot com with CARNAGE in the subject line. Entries are due at 12:30 today. I'll pick winners and alert them by 6.


Q: Dear Meredith,

I reunited with my middle school buddy two years ago thanks to Facebook. We live in separate states, but despite the distance we kept in touch. Fast forward two years later, and, well, our relationship has blossomed into a beautiful friendship. We talk about being together, and usually express to each other how we feel. He never misses a birthday and holiday, and always says that he says he loves me.

Recently, I decided to finally visit him for the first time after 15 years. The meeting went great, it was perfect! I met all of his friends, met his parents and the entire family. At least for me, this trip helped me solidify my understanding of what I wanted from him. I am in LOVE!!

Fast forward a few days later and I am now back home and wondering what is going on ... We were having a conversation last night regarding how much his friends and family have been wondering about the status of our relationship. I was shocked, because I thought that we were officially together. So we discussed this, and well the guy is hesitant about us and doing the whole long-distance thing. However, he never falls short to tell me that HE loves me. He also says that he had the most amazing weekend, that he wants me close, and that he doesn't want to let me go.

What should I do? I am a strong believer that if you care for someone, the distance and circumstances don't really matter. But also, should I not pressure the long distance issue any longer and just be pen pals or leave this experience in the past?

– Am I Living in a Fantasy, West of Boston


A: Right now, this is a fantasy, AILIAF. Middle school friends who are soul mates are basically human unicorns.

Most of your communication with this guy has been online or on the phone. You had one great weekend, but that's not enough to start a committed long-distance relationship.

You have two options. You can either make it possible to see him more often and gradually decide whether it's worth maintaining a relationship, or you can leave this experience in the past. The pen pal thing is too distracting, and it allows you to pretend that he's more important than he is. The pen pal stuff is what led you to fantasy land.

If you choose the first option, see him soon. Very soon. Like within the next month. If he's not open to another quick visit -- and isn't open to visiting you -- move on. And please, keep reminding yourself that this guy isn't the center of your universe. He's just an old friend who cares about you. You saw him once and liked it. That's all you know right now. He's just a horse with unicorn potential. And there are many horses in the sea (you know what I mean).

Readers? What's going on here? How should she proceed? What does this guy want? Unicorns? Discuss.


– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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