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Bouncing between exes

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  January 23, 2012 08:48 AM

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Q: I have been on and off with my boyfriend for about two years. He is beyond wonderful at times -- but he can also act as if he's not happy with his life at all.

I broke up with him because of that. My life wasn't going anywhere and I was beginning to feel stuck. The same night we broke up, I ran into an old friend that I used to text a lot. We kissed that night and I forgot all about my ex. This guy is amazing -- he has a great education, great family, great everything, and is so into me. He is so passionate.

We dated for about 6 months until my ex came back into the picture. I saw him at a few parties and I started to miss him. So I start texting him, sending him pics, etc. Eventually, I broke up with the new boyfriend and got back with my ex. The newer guy was heartbroken (I mean devastated) but I suddenly had no interest in him. I was all about my ex.

I'm still with my ex now but have also been texting my old fling. I am in desperate need of help. I love my ex and am so comfortable around him, but I love the second guy, too.

How do I choose? I've hurt these guys way too many times. I keep going back and forth between the two of them and I always get caught and never feel bad about it. I don't know what do to. Please, please help.

– Can't Choose, MA


A: CC, you spent most of your letter referring to your current boyfriend as your ex and your real ex as an "old fling." And I'm pretty sure that's what these guys are at this point. One guy gives you constant attention, while the other serves as a distraction when you get bored. The reality is that you're done with both of them.

You're not afraid of losing either of them, which means that both relationships are over. Please let them go so that you can experience life without the safety net of two adoring ex-partners. Time alone will help you answer questions about what you want out of a relationship.

And about those texts ... please stop. I'm all for texting inside jokes to a significant other as a way to pop in to say hello during the day, but you're using texts to cheat and tease. Next time you're feeling antsy and bored and you want to use your phone to get attention, try a game. That's what Brick Breaker is for. See if you can beat my score (10,500). If you can't control yourself with the exes, block their numbers.

Readers? What's with her impulsive decisions? Why do these guys take her back? Any thoughts about the texts? Confused by how she labels these men?


– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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