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He's abroad ... for another year

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  February 29, 2012 12:15 PM

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Q: Hi,

I am currently in my senior year of college, and last August my boyfriend of two years decided to study abroad in Europe for an entire calender year. We decided that it would be best if we wouldn't be together. However, this past winter I decided to fly out and see him for two weeks. We explored Europe together and found ourselves in love and calling each other "boyfriend" and "girlfriend." After I came back to the States, he said he missed me so much and promised he would come back after his study abroad experience was done. Well, he then asked me if we wanted to date again. I told him that I did not want to and I wanted it to be like last semester (which was talk all the time, but not commit). However, I told him I was not going to date anyone and I assumed the same for him.

Well, the day after we had this conversation I asked him if he was OK, and he said he was. So, I thought that that meant we were going to be like last semester. Well, we didn't talk for a few days and I asked if we could Skype because he told me he had been hanging out with another girl. He stood me up two times to Skype (where I was going to tell him that I wanted to be with him). Long story short, by the time I got to tell him that I loved him (three weeks later), he had just got into a relationship with this girl and changed his Facebook status. I finally got the chance to Skype him and tell him how I felt, and he was confused and told me he thought it was over at the time and that he wishes we would have communicated better, but that this girl really liked him and he was going to date her.

He then dropped the news that he decided to study abroad for ANOTHER year in Europe. I feel he made those decisions because he was so heartbroken over me, when in fact I wanted him all along.

So confused and upset over the whole thing. Do I delete him as a Facebook friend and move on forever?

– Confused, Boston


A: Delete him. As a Facebook friend and in real life. Move on forever. If he had been that heartbroken, he wouldn't have ditched you on Skype. He would have jumped at the chance to get back together. And really, if you loved him that much, you wouldn't have avoided commitment. You adore him -- when he's close by -- but you didn't want to be his long-distance girlfriend. You're just uncomfortable letting go.

You didn't do anything wrong. Neither did he. You're just young and far away and you can't put your lives on pause. He wants to stay in Europe, and you want someone who can be a real boyfriend. Do yourself a favor and press delete. If he changes his mind, he knows how to find you.

Go out and build your local life. Be honest with yourself about why you didn't want to commit.

Readers? Tips for moving on? Will he come back? What happened here? Discuss.


– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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