Q: Hi Meredith,
I need an outsider's perspective on this:
I met a guy, "Jack," online about two and a half months ago. We really sparked immediately and even made out at the train station. He was the first guy to really strike my fancy since a bad break up last summer, and we kept it slow but saw each other about once a week. There was lots of kissing and staring longingly at each other but not much more.
Things slowed even further at one point with us not seeing each other for more than two weeks. When we did finally hang out, we suddenly weren't even making out. Now we're at a point where at the end of our last hangout, he gave me a hug.
My frustration comes from the fact that even though I don't see him often, I'm still very attracted to Jack when we do hang out. We laugh, we have spark, we call each other adorable. I feel like he acts like he's still romantically interested in me but he doesn't make any moves any more. Normally I'd just go for it with him, but I'm afraid he wants to be platonic and that's why he's slowed.
So, my question: Do I talk to him about this? Should I ask if he still wants us to be dating or if we've officially moved into friend zone? Or would that just make things awkward and potentially alienate him from me completely? My gut is to ask, but my friends keep telling me to wait it out. It's never been very serious and I'm not looking for him to commit to me. I just want to know if he's now my cool fun buddy or if I can still make out with him like I really want to.
– Befuddled and Bamboozled, Somerville
A: Your friends are wrong, BAB. (Sorry, friends.)
It's been almost three months and you've gone from making out at the train station to hugging goodbye. There's no need to wait this out. Ask him if you're actually dating and why things haven't moved past first base.
My guess is that he's still seeing other people and wants to make sure that your relationship isn't becoming more serious. And if that's the case, do you really want to stick around? I mean, you say that you're not looking for a commitment, but don't you want to be with someone who's excited about you and wants to take steps forward each week? At the moment, your relationship is aging in the direction of Benjamin Button. (Next week you're going to get a high five instead of a hug.)
Ask him what's up and then ask yourself if this is worth pursuing. Because there are a lot of guys out there who will want more. You're not in this for a "cool fun buddy."
Readers? Is he just a nice guy who's trying to take things slow? Should she talk to him or wait this out? Are you put off by the fact that he seems to want to see her less? Cool fun buddy? Discuss.
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Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.