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Am I too picky?

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  June 22, 2012 08:40 AM

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Happy Friday. Stay cool.


Q: I've gone out with this guy a few times. He's pretty nice, very cute, and funny. Right now he's working a lower-end job, which doesn't bother me. What does bother me is that he has no drive to change it. He told me that he could go back to school to get a better job but it would be "too much work" and "too hard." I guess my big problem is that he doesn't seem very motivated. This is a real turnoff to me. I push myself pretty hard in my career and I want to be with someone who does the same. He's also a few years older than I am. My gut is telling me to stop going on dates with him, but there's still that doubt that I'm doing the wrong thing or being a "jerk" or "too picky."

What do you think?

– Picky or Realistic, Boston


A: Your gut is right, POR. You want to be with someone who cares about his job. That doesn't make you a jerk. This guy just isn't a match for you.

Some people would be similarly turned off by a guy who isn't very cute. Some people need to be with a partner who makes a lot of money. We all have different priorities when it comes to dating. You want a guy who's passionate about his career. That's fine.

I usually tell letter writers to go out on at least a few dates with nice and cute people before making any big decisions about deal-breakers. Every now and then those deal-breakers become tolerable and maybe even endearing after a few dinners. But you've gone out with this guy a few times and it's just not sticking. You gave it a fair chance. You kept an open mind.

You should be able to end this and feel good about yourself.

Readers? Too picky? Why does the letter writer doubt this decision? Is the LW afraid of not being able to find anyone else? What if this isn't the first time the LW has called off a relationship after a few dates? What's up with the guy and the whole "too much work" thing? Discuss.


– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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