< Back to front page Text size +

He changed his mind ... again

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  June 6, 2012 08:14 AM

E-mail this article

Invalid E-mail address
Invalid E-mail address

Sending your article

1. I am in NY doing book stuff at the Book Expo America so I can't chat today. Glenn will moderate. I promise that when I am not dealing with my own book I am checking out all of the new self-help titles for us. Maybe it's time for more self-help reviews by you.

2. I can confirm yesterday's letter writer update. Sorry I'm confirming so late. Reception is spotty at the Expo.

And since I'm in NY, how about a letter from Jersey ...


Q: Hi Meredith,

About 3 months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. In reality he broke up with me because he no longer wanted "the responsibility" (his exact words) of being a boyfriend anymore. I was crushed. I knew that our relationship wasn't perfect but it worked, or so I thought. For about 3 weeks I kept calling him, emailing, and texting. Eventually I just accepted the fact that he no longer had any interest in me. I cleaned up my act, got myself together, and began to go out with my close friends.

A few more weeks passed by and I began to date someone. It wasn't anything serious and I let the new guy know about everything. He understood and agreed to take things slow. After a couple of dates with this new guy, my ex called me. He wanted me back. He said that he had made a mistake and he didn't understand what he had until he had lost it. I didn't know how I felt about it. I was even more confused and hurt.

Just when I was starting to completely move on from him, he comes back into my life. I don't know if it was the right thing to do at the moment, but I told him that I just couldn't go back to that. Part of me believed that but the other part of me was wrapped up in school, work, and the new guy.

After rejecting him I focused on me because honestly, I had lost sight of what I wanted in a man/relationship. I stopped dating the new guy and took care of me. Everything was going great up until a couple of weeks ago. I thought about my ex and the possibility of trying to have a relationship with him again. So with my new found confidence, I reached out to him.

I began to talk to him again but this time, I was the one ready for a relationship. He said that he really cares about me and wants to be with me but is not ready for the type of commitment that I want. He was still trying to move on when I came back into his life and he can't jump back into it. So once again, I'm left feeling hurt and confused.

I just don't know what to do. Should I move on again? Should I stick around? I'm in love with him and he knows that but is it really worth it?

– Should I hang on, New Jersey


A: I'd chalk this up to bad timing, but all of this happened within three months, SIHO. If he was really wanted to save this relationship, he would have given you time to recover from his original rejection. He would have shown some empathy and patience.

Your ex tells you that he doesn't want to be committed to you. That's the answer. I'm so sorry that he confused you by briefly changing his mind, but all that matters is what he wants now. This flip-flopping thing is just another strike against him. I understand that you changed your mind too, but he's the one who ended things to begin with.

He's not giving you the option to stick around, so don't. Continue to be good to yourself. Find other people to date. Go back to focusing on you, please.

Readers? What if he changes his mind again? What should she do? Why isn't he interested this time around? Help.


– Meredith


E-mail this article

Invalid E-mail address
Invalid E-mail address

Sending your article

 
ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

Ask us a question

Required
Required
archives