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She took a step back ... and disappeared

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  July 24, 2012 08:15 AM

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As I mentioned yesterday, it's Commonwealth Shakespeare Company week at Love Letters.

Actors from this summer's Free Shakespeare on the Common production of "Coriolanus" -- which starts Wednesday -- have taken a week's worth of letters and interpreted them as monologues on video.

Today's letter will be performed by Brough Hansen, also known as First Citizen in "Coriolanus." The original letter and my answer are below.



Q: Up until recently I was dating the girl I thought I would marry. When I look at her I see a future, kids, and a white picket fence. Basically all the things I was never sure I wanted throughout my 20s.

Things were going great for a year and a half and we decided to move closer to one another. At first she was going to move to Boston because I was working up here and planning on going back to school. Then I got laid off and we decided that I should move to her city.

I thought things were going well, but then we got into a small fight about some of the logistics of moving. I thought we had gotten past it. Then she got really distant.

Then she called one night and said that she had taken a step back after the fight and just couldn't get back to where she was before, leaving me lost, confused and any number of other things. This is going to sound stupid but I think it hurt the most when she de-friended me on Facebook.

I just feel like I will get no closure and that the best thing that ever happened to me walked out of my life with almost no explanation.

– Far From Her and Far From OK, Boston


A: How awful, FFHAFFOK. I don't believe in closure, but I do believe in answers. Girlfriends aren't supposed to "take a step back" and then just disappear without explanation. How cowardly.

She hasn't left you many options. You have no choice but to move on without an answer. My guess is that she'll eventually reach out to make herself feel better, but please, don't forget how this felt. Don't forget how she left you.

Mourn her, stay close to friends, and start a life without her. That's all you can do. She wasn't the best thing that ever happened to you. Best things stick around. Best things certainly don't walk away after a small fight.

As you deal with this, be thankful that you now know what you want for your future. Your desire to partner up and settle down was about you, not her. Keep that in mind as you move forward.

Readers? Is she going to come back? Should he talk to her if she calls at this point? Can you help him with the closure situation? What happened here? And what about the Facebook thing? Help.


– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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