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Should I break up with the guy back home?

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  July 18, 2012 08:29 AM

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Q: Hi. I'm "Pam" and I just got back to my country from an exchange program in Boston.

I have been dating a guy for 6 years. He is a sweetheart and I know he loves me very much. Before I left for my exchange program, we had a long conversation about how things would work while I was living far away from him. Everything was just fine. After a year living in Boston, I met a guy (he is 27 and I'm 22) and I fell in love with him. We had so much fun together. He is a wonderful man and I can't stop thinking about the moments we spent together.

In the beginning I really tried to stay far from him because of my boyfriend, but what I was feeling for him was too strong. We kept it slow but saw each other about once a week. Now I'm back to my real life (school, work, etc.). And I'm also back to my boyfriend, but it seems that I just think about the guy I met in Boston. He calls me almost every day and we have Skype dates very often, like once or twice a week.

I'm so confused about my feelings because when I see/talk to this guy, I feel like there are butterflies in my stomach, but when I'm with my boyfriend, I feel in love with him again too. I really don't know what's wrong with me. Is it possible to be in love with both guys? Should I forget about this guy I met in Boston? Should I let my boyfriend move on?

– Pam, Brazil


A: Break up with your boyfriend, Pam.

I believe that you love him, but you don't want to be committed to him anymore. You're pursuing a relationship with someone else.

You didn't tell us whether your boyfriend knows about the American guy, but I assume that he doesn't. That makes this a cheat.

I'm not saying that there's any real potential with Mr. Boston. He's here and you're there. You might wind up alone. But that's OK. You need to be on your own for a bit so that you can figure out who you are and what you want.

End it with the boyfriend and then buy a ticket to visit your guy in the US. You know that's what you want to do, so do it. Take the leap and become a single person. You haven't been single since you were like... 16? It's time.

Readers? Is Boston guy a reality? Should she visit him? Should she stay with the boyfriend if she loves him? Is she cheating? Is she in love with two people? Help.


– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
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Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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