< Back to front page Text size +

Are texts enough?

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  September 18, 2012 08:41 AM

E-mail this article

Invalid E-mail address
Invalid E-mail address

Sending your article


Q: I have been back in the dating world for the past year for the first time since my teens. I am now in my late 30s. I have met some nice guys, but for various reasons it has not worked out.

I believe that communication is key if you are trying to develop dating into a long-term relationship. I get easily frustrated when men just want to text and no longer take the time to pick up the phone to talk.

One of the gentlemen that I used to date called me emotionally needy because I told him that I wanted to have an actual conversation on the phone instead of always texting. I know texting is convenient, but I believe that there are times that something you write can be misconstrued and taken the wrong way. I also feel that if someone can't take five minutes each day to call and talk to you that they are really not that invested into progressing to the next step.

I don't feel that this is emotionally needy, but I know sometimes I am wrong, and being new back into the dating world, I am questioning whether this may be too demanding. Is asking someone to call instead of texting emotionally needy or demanding?

– Confused About Dating, NY


A: You're not wrong about texting, CAD. Texts shouldn't replace phone calls or face-to-face communication.

But ... phone calls every day? Do you really need daily phone calls in the beginning of a relationship? Check-in texts can be a nice way of saying hi in between real dates.

You don't sound needy, and it's fine that you're not a big texter. (I wish I was less into texting, to be honest. It's made me quite lazy about the phone.) But please, don't enforce quotas. Wouldn't you rather get three great phone calls a week than a series of five-minute check-ins that make you feel like an obligation?

As long as these guys want to see you in person, I'm not so worried about the calls. Phone calls are lovely, but real dates are what get you to the next step.

Readers? Are daily phone calls necessary? What about texts? Is she being needy? What are the rules here? Discuss.


– Meredith


E-mail this article

Invalid E-mail address
Invalid E-mail address

Sending your article

 
ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

Ask us a question

Required
Required
archives