< Back to front page Text size +

Dating my boss

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  September 12, 2012 08:40 AM

E-mail this article

Invalid E-mail address
Invalid E-mail address

Sending your article

Good morning. It's chat day.

In other news, if you have ever been a bridesmaid, or know one, or wish you were one, or like dresses, or like me, or like music, or like Adam 12, or are just bored, you can still register for Running With the Bridesmaids, which takes place Sept. 29. I will be there to sign my book, mingle, give out some prizes, etc. Fun will be had. Good causes will be supported. There will be gift bags.

I haven't decided whether I'm going to run yet, but I certainly have plenty of outfits to choose from.


Q: I recently turned 21. My life is everything I've ever wanted it to be.

I have a wonderful older (he is 30) boyfriend who is very committed to me. Committed to the point of living with me and co-signing on a car for me. I never thought I could be this happy with someone.

The only problem with my love life is that my boyfriend is also my boss. I have worked at our company for almost a year, and he has been there around 6 years. He is a very important supervisor, and our company policy prohibits our relationship. As a result, no one at work knows that we are together.

It's very strange going to work with him every day and pretending like we barely know each other when we sleep in the same bed every night. So I guess my question is this: Should I maybe be looking for another job? I love my job and have been promoted twice, which has been great for my resume and self-esteem. I think I have a future at the company and could possibly become a supervisor in the next year or so. I'm a bit afraid to move on to another job because I don't think I could earn what I'm making now elsewhere.

What should I do?

– Love Sick in the Work Force, MO


A: Look for another job, LSITWF. You and the boyfriend will either break up or stay together. No matter what, you're going to need space and autonomy.

I understand that you don't want to leave a good professional opportunity, but ... what did you think would happen? What was your boyfriend's plan when this relationship started? Did he ever suggest that he might look for jobs? Did he tell you how this would play out? You can't keep this kind of secret forever. You both should be polishing your resumes and seeing what else is out there.

Honestly, even if the work rules didn't exist, I'd want you out of the office. Your boyfriend has too much power right now. He's your boss. He's on your car loan. He knows your secrets. I don't like it.

If you know deep down that you're not going to make a job change, please talk to your boyfriend about disclosing this relationship to his superiors so that you can be reassigned to report to someone else. It's always better to come forward than to get caught, and the company is bound to figure this out.

You both chose love over your careers. That's fine, but there are consequences. One of you has to leave or you both have to tell the company. Soon.

Readers? Should she have to leave her job? Should he? Should they disclose this at work? Should the boyfriend have pursued this without a plan? Am I right about the power issue? What about their age difference? Help.


– Meredith


E-mail this article

Invalid E-mail address
Invalid E-mail address

Sending your article

 
ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

Ask us a question

Required
Required
archives