Q: Hi Meredith,
I'm hoping you can help me with an online dating relationship question. I started talking to this guy -- "Mark" -- about a month ago. A week after we began talking, Mark took me on a date and it was the best first date I've ever been on. He was so polite, funny, cute, such a gentlemen, and didn't even try to kiss me. I have never been so attracted to someone.
We both work crazy schedules so we planned to finally meet up again a week later. We were going to go out for dinner and a movie, but weather was putting a damper on those plans and he asked if I wanted to go to his place to watch a movie and order in. I agreed.
It was the most comfortable and amazing second date. We ended up kissing -- a lot. He walked me to me car, holding my hand, and I was on Cloud Nine. From the beginning, he was extremely open about his last relationship (2.5 years long that ended 6 months prior) and the way he felt about me. He told me that he wasn't dating anyone else from the website.
To make a long story short, he cancelled on me THREE times before I finally had to send him a long email stating that I clearly wasn't worth his time and that he didn't seem ready to date. I also expressed how much fun I had with him and that I thought he was a great guy. The next day he texts me something completely random (and he HAD to have seen my email at this point) and I responded. I haven't heard from him since.
I know it was only two dates and that maybe I should've been more forgiving of his hectic schedule, but it seemed to me like he could've made more of an effort. Do I just forget about him or try contacting him again -- either now or in the future? The email kind of left the ball in his court, but I'm having a hard time forgetting this because he was such a great guy. What do you think?
– Confused in Cambridge
A: He wasn't a great guy, CIC. He cancelled three times. Three. You wrote him an honest letter about your issues and he responded with a text. That's not so great.
I understand why you're disappointed (the kissing sounds nice), but please don't second guess yourself. You gave this guy the benefit of the doubt and he blew it.
My friend Danielle always says that "busy is bunk." There are exceptions to that rule, of course (sometimes people are really, really busy), but no one is that busy. He should have made more of an effort, for sure.
Let's not call anyone "great" until they've shown up at least three times in a row. You deserve that. You're not overreacting.
Readers? Is there ever an excuse for three cancellations? Should she contact him? Was the email too much? Help.
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Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.