Q: Hi Meredith,
I have read your column for years, but until now have never found the need to seek your advice. You see, I was in a happily-ever-after relationship for 7 years, and we were supposed to start planning our wedding until ... we started a long distance relationship, and 2 months in, he asked for a break over text message.
It was unexpected for me, and it broke my heart. I love him, and I respected the break for a while, but then I started questioning everything. Every time I try to reach out to him, the end result is the same: he pleads for more time (usually over email/text), gives no answers, and seems to avoid me. I have decided that it is over, but I can't bring myself to move forward. I feel as though I need to let him know it's over, so we can both be on the same page (he would have to return my call first). I feel it's important to show the respect to our relationship of at least a phone call even though he has not done the same for me. I'm embarrassed by how much I have reached out to him with not much/anything in return. Is it okay to just end this over a text message or email? Should I wait until he's ready to at least talk over the phone?
Any advice would be great.
– Break Up by Text, MA
A: I really wish you could do this in person, BUBT. At the very least, you deserve an email.
My advice is to send him a long note (email) that explains where you are with this. Also leave him a voicemail telling him that you want to confirm your breakup. If he responds to these messages by asking for more time, explain that he's run out of it. Because you just can't do this anymore. It's too confusing and painful.
If he doesn't respond to the messages within a few days (like, four), end it with an email. Don't do anything by text. It's passive-aggressive, and you don't want to have to keep anything too short.
As soon as you hit "send" on your email and leave that voice message, go out to dinner with some friends. Stay surrounded. Find the people who respond to you immediately. Keep them close.
Readers? Should she follow his lead and do this by text? Is it possible he doesn't want to break up? How can she get him to communicate? Help.
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Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a new novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith here and on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.