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Love after college

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  November 23, 2012 08:49 AM

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We have a small audience today, so I chose a less urgent letter.

Spend some time on yesterday's updates, and please help today's letter writer if you can.


Q: I recently began reading your column, and find the letters fascinating and the advice sound. This isn't really a question but rather a general concern I've had. I worry that if I do not find a partner in college, I will never find settings in which to meet someone with relationship potential.

I have always been a person who is better at having a circle of close friends. I am also not into the party scene at college, which seems to be a place where more "friends" are made. People are also pretty closed at my university, so it's hard to meet new people here too. Once I graduate, I fear it will become even harder to meet friends and romantic partners. How do you even go about it? Bar crawling until you're 30? Get them from work, which is usually a bad idea? Just cross your fingers and hope to meet them along the line? Dating websites? These prospects seem really bleak to me, and I worry about the future often.

In the letters written to you, I see at least the outward semblance of many adults with fulfilling careers, friends, and some kind of love lives. I guess my question is, how do you make this/how does this happen? I know it's different for every person, but I'd just like to know any advice you have on putting my doubts to rest. I'd really appreciate it if you answered my question, but I know you have a lot of letters to answer. Thanks!

– Where and when?


A: You might have an easier time dating after college, WAW. People are less transient, they care more about making real connections, and they're often willing to do a bit more work to keep someone around.

Rather than giving you some big pep talk about the potential of finding love after graduation, I thought it'd be helpful to give you some specific examples of how people meet after school.

I'll start by telling you how I met one of the people I dated after college, and I'll invite the Love Letters audience to do the same. Hopefully you'll get a sense of the many ways we find love in the real world.

My example: I did meet someone at work once. It started with light conversations and emails. His job was unrelated to mine, so we were able to date without panicking about what would happen in the office if it didn't work out.

My bonus example: I have friends who met through me. I went to school with one and met the other through work. I invited them to the same event. They hit it off.

Readers? Your turn. Can you tell the story of how you met someone after you left the cocoon of school? Help.



– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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