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Contacting a old love

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  December 18, 2012 08:38 AM

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Q: About 14 years ago I made a decision between two women. I had feelings for both of them and they had mutual feelings for me, as well. I ultimately made my decision and I believe it was the wrong one. I was married for almost 10 years and I am now divorced. I think of this other woman on a daily basis even though I have not spoken to or seen her in almost 14 years. She lives in the same town as me, and I know through Facebook that she is married now. I am tempted to write a letter to this woman and just tell her that 14 years ago I should have pursued a relationship with her. I know it sounds crazy but I think somehow I am in love with her. I almost need closure because I cannot get over her. I just want to write this letter and tell her how she made me feel so long ago and express that I think she is a great person and hope she is happy in her life. Is this a bad idea? Please offer some advice. Thank you.

– Past Regret, Boston


A: You're not in love with this woman, PR. You're just lonely and sad about your divorce.

You've turned this ex into some mythical soul mate who can magically fix your life, but in reality, she's just an old crush. Had you chosen her back then, you might have dumped her after a few months. Don't make up a crazy narrative about the path you didn't take. You're just inventing fairy tales.

You are not allowed to write a love letter to a married woman. It'd be one thing if you just wanted to say hello, but you've admitted that you want her back. Your intentions are all wrong, and I will not endorse any form of communication.

Use your energy to meet new people. It's a big world. Go explore.

Readers? Should the LW reach out? Why is the LW still thinking about this woman? Can the LW just send a short message to feel out her situation? Thoughts?



– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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