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Morality issues

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  December 17, 2012 08:27 AM

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Q: Dear Meredith,

My boyfriend and I have been together for close to two years. I love him and I know he loves me too. Our issue is related to morality. I am waiting until marriage and he completely respects that and has never asked for sex. However, he does want some sort of physical relationship, and I don't agree with it, at least not before marriage. If I stop him from touching me intimately, he backs off and says that I'm not attracted to him. I told him many times that I am attracted to him but that I stop him because I don't feel it is right. Recently, he tried again and I stopped him. He then told me that he feels lonely.

So I'm at this place where I think it's best to break up with him because he doesn't want to follow my morals and it actually makes him sad that I have these morals. I know it is tough for him and I know that my morals are difficult to deal with. It's tough for me to think about breaking up with him but I feel like it will be what's best for him.

What's your advice?

Thank you,

– Morals, NY


A: I agree with you about the breakup. He's lonely. You're lonely. And I'm not convinced that you would suddenly be on the same page about sex if you got married. You have different philosophies about physical intimacy. That won't change.

Two years is a long time, but this isn't working. You both deserve to be with people who understand and believe in the plan, whatever it is.

Talk to your boyfriend about why you're still a couple and what life would be like if you were both on your own. Perhaps you can come to a conclusion together. That would make this easier.

Be honest about what you think is best. That's the moral thing to do.

Readers? Can two people with different philosophies about sex have a functional relationship? Why are they together? Does she have to end it? Who should they be dating? Help.


– Meredith


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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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