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I changed my mind about him

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  February 4, 2013 08:16 AM

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Ever since the DJs with RadioBDC started playing music on the website last year, I've been desperate to host a Love Letters event with them. We've been waiting for the right musical act for our crowd, and finally, we've found it.

I'm thrilled to announce that our next Love Letters event will be Feb. 22 at Naga in Central Square. It will feature a performance by Benjamin Francis Leftwich, an English musician who has many songs that match our letters.

The show is free -- you just have to register at Boston.com/Plus1Series. Let's all have a fun night out together, yes?


Q: A few years ago I met this great guy through a group of mutual friends (I am in my 30s and he is in his 40s). About six months later he asked me out on a date and I politely declined. At the time, part of me was resigned to only see him as a very good friend. Another part of me was scared of making anything awkward between us if things did not work. I feared losing him from my life altogether. After I turned him down things were awkward for a bit, but then it got better and we were soon pretty back to normal.

In the meantime, I met someone new, fell in love, had my heart broken into a million tiny pieces and then put my life back in order. Now that chapter of my life is over I am starting to see my friend in a new light.

Considering the circumstances, I did give it some time to make sure that my new feelings for him were not temporary. I have found that my feelings for him have only grown stronger and I still get butterflies in my stomach when I think about him.

We hang out at least a couple times a month, often just the two of us and sometimes as part of a group. He is rather shy and I know that it probably took a lot for him to ask me out the first time. I am not incredibly shy but also not very forward. What is the best way to potentially to get out of the dreaded friend zone?

– Now I see the light, Bostonish


A: The best way to get out of the friend zone is to tell him that you don't want to be there anymore, NISTL. Recite some of this letter. Explain that you were in a different place when he first asked you out. Tell him about the butterflies. Explain that you waited to see if the butterflies were more than just indigestion before you decided to bring this up. Say something like, "Now I'd like to ask you out, if that's OK." Keep it simple. No grand declarations of love.

I can't promise that he'll still want this, but he deserves to know how you feel. You're not doing anyone any favors by keeping this a secret.

I know this kind of honesty is scary, especially now that you've been friends for a few years, but don't freak out too much. You guys made it through one awkward rejection. If it turns out to be two, I think you'll both rally.

Readers? Will he be open to a second chance? If you were him, what would you need to hear? Will he attribute these new feelings to her breakup? Will they be able to stay friends if he rejects her? Any reason she should keep this to herself? Help.

– Meredith



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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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