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I wanted to change our Facebook status

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  March 18, 2013 08:31 AM

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Q: Hi Meredith,

I occasionally read your Love Letters column and never thought that I would ever send you one, but here I am.

About two months ago I tried online dating and decided that I was going to do it only for one month, and to my surprise I went out on one date. Turned out she was amazing and we connected immediately. Two months later we were still seeing each other until I stopped hearing from her last week. Let me also say that I never brought up "the talk" about us exclusively seeing each other just because I thought it was obvious. We spent Valentine's Day together and saw each other every weekend and also spoke on the phone/texted during the week. We got along so well and I felt I could be myself around her and I think she felt the same. We both live at home which complicates things a bit, but neither of us considered it a deal-breaker by any means. So last week we spent the whole afternoon together and I introduced her to one of my really great friends over dinner at a restaurant. The dinner went well and I drove her home (I don't kiss and tell) and said we would talk tomorrow. So when I got home I sent over a stupid text message asking if she wanted to go official on Facebook, a text I later regretted.

So I have not heard back from her. I tried calling twice and sent one apologetic text message to no avail. I don't know what to do or say or if there is some issue. Thinking it over, yes, it was stupid to send the text, but I would have never thought that it could be the end or something that was that serious. I thought everything was going well and I know we both loved seeing each other, but now that I haven't spoken to her in over a week I miss her even more. What do I do? Was it that bad to send that text message? HELP!

– Thought Everything Was Going Smooth, Massachusetts


A: There's no way one little text message ended this relationship, TEWGS. If you're into someone, you look for reasons to forgive mistakes. You overlook little missteps. You try to talk it out.

I'm not even convinced that your text was a mistake. Sure, it was a weird way of asking for a label, but it's not like you said something offensive. She could have just called you the next day to chat about the request.

Something else happened here. I don't know what it was (for the record, I'm bummed you don't kiss and tell), but she just couldn't deal.

She knows you're waiting to hear from her. After two phone calls and a text, I can't come up with any reason for you to contact her again.

Give yourself some time -- maybe a week or two -- and then go back online. This short relationship proved that there are some real options out there. You tried one of them and it didn't work. You don't have to obsess over it or second guess yourself. My official opinion, based on what you've told us, is that she's the one who handled this poorly. If she wanted out or was offended by your text, she should have said so. You need to be with someone who can communicate when it matters most.

Readers? What happened? Was it the text? Did something happen at dinner? Should he contact her again? Help.


– Meredith



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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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