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He wants me to work full time

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  April 17, 2013 02:26 AM

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We'll skip chat today. I'm still away, and something tells me that Glenn will be very busy with Boston.com. We'll make up for it next week.


Q: Dear Meredith,

I got my second master's degree in 2012 and have been working part-time at a professional job since I received my first master's degree in 2011. I have spent a lot time looking for jobs in and around my field, but my husband is convinced that I am not doing enough. He says that it is taking way too long and that I should just take a teaching test since there's a need for math teachers.

My undergrad degree was in education, but not only did I hate teaching, I wasn't very good at it. My husband loathes his job and blames me for having to stay in it because I am only working part-time and we need his income. He wants to teach, and could get a similar paying job in Boston as a teacher, but he doesn't want to work there (although he does want me to work there). It is putting stress on our marriage and I don't know what to do. Should I just give in and teach, or should I keep looking for jobs that I might actually be able to tolerate? Another issue is that I could most definitely get a job elsewhere in the country, but he refuses to move. When I bring this up he gets angry and says that it isn't part of the issue, and I should forget it. Please help, I really need some advice. Thanks!

– Double Degree, Massachusetts


A: I'm frustrated just reading this, DD. Why isn't anyone willing to compromise?

My advice for you is to find a full-time job. Any full-time job. You don't have to teach. You just have to find something that pays a bit more so that you can live more comfortably while you continue to look for the perfect position. Meanwhile, your husband should be spending his own free time applying for teaching jobs in Boston and beyond. Both of you have to work to get out of this rut.

You also need to talk about your personal goals as a couple. How do you want to live? Where do you want to vacation together? How do you want to spend your free hours? Consider these questions as a twosome so that you don't lose track of what you're working for.

I understand that degrees and careers are important. Ideally, you'd both have jobs that make you happy. But for now, the goal should be helping each other as much as you help yourselves. You need to make more, and he needs a happier day job. If you both do your part, it's compromise.

Readers? Should she find a not-so-great full-time job? Should he find a better job and stop putting this on her? How can they work together? What's missing here? Help.

– Meredith



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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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