< Back to front page Text size +

She says something is missing

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  April 26, 2013 08:26 AM

E-mail this article

Invalid E-mail address
Invalid E-mail address

Sending your article

This guy needs to hang with Tuesday's letter writer. So many "break" letters these past few weeks.


Q: Dear Readers and Meredith,

I was most recently in a relationship with a girl for the past year and a half roughly. We met through friends and are in our mid-20s. We're both finishing up our master's degrees and deeply in love with each other.

She has been the only girl I've opened up to and had a real relationship with. We've been on a break for over a month. She told me the reasons for our break are that something is missing in our relationship. She has not told specifically what is missing.

While we were together, it was the greatest time of my life. We talked about the future. I became close with her family and her friends and we seemed like the perfect couple.
She says she understands that I've been there for all of her bad days. She has expressed to me that our break might be a mistake and that she hopes for nothing more than we find each other in the future.

I've given her all the space she needs but I don't know what to do. I still have feelings there and she is the one who I thought was my soul mate.

Any help would be appreciated.

– On a Break, Massachusetts


A: She says something is missing, and now you're on a break. That means it's over, OAB. I don't care about her hopes for the future. What counts is right now. Right now you're not together.

There's nothing you can do to make this better because this is on her. You've already asked her what she needs and she told you space. Now it's time for you to tell her what you need -- which is a boundary. If you're not a couple anymore, you need to call this a break up so that you can spend your energy mourning her and moving on. No more breaks. No more ambiguity. You need to take the next step.

No matter what happens, stop using the phrase "soul mate." This woman might be one of the great loves of your life, but there are others out there. If soul mates existed, they wouldn't ask for breaks. What you have is a girlfriend. You love her, but she might not want to stick around. If that's the case, something's missing for you too.

Readers? Any possibility this woman will come around? Should he force a breakup? Advise.

– Meredith



E-mail this article

Invalid E-mail address
Invalid E-mail address

Sending your article

 
ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

Ask us a question

Required
Required
archives