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I looked up his ex

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  June 3, 2013 08:33 AM

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We'll kick it off with a short one ...
This is the third letter I've received about this sort of thing within just a few weeks ...


Q: My relationship ended because I looked up his ex on Facebook. He calls it stalking. All I wanted was to see what she looked like -- curiosity only, no bad intentions. He didn't even allow me to explain and said he needed a break because I was passive-aggressive. I have never been called that, and all I did was look at her page to get a glimpse.

I realize its sounds creepy. But in all fairness, isn't it called a social network? If you don't want to be seen then you shouldn't be there, right? Please advise. I am very upset about the breakup.

– Facebook Snoop, Boston


A: I don't think he dropped you because you snooped on Facebook, FS.

I suppose it's possible that he saw it as a passive-aggressive, immature move, but who ends a relationship over that kind of isolated incident? It seems pretty forgivable to me. Really, the whole thing is kind of silly.

What else has been happening between the two of you? Has the relationship been easy? Turbulent? Fun? I have to assume that there are other problems, and that this "stalking" accusation is about something else. Is he open about his past? Does he trust you? How much does he talk about this ex? What have you asked?

My guess is that he's been thinking about ending this relationship for a while and used this Facebook fight as a way to do it. And if I'm wrong, and this decision really came out of nowhere, you're better off without this guy. You shouldn't be with someone who won't talk about problems and overreacts about a peek on Facebook. It wasn't stalking. It wasn't even passive-aggressive. It was just ... human nature. You're allowed to be human.

Readers? Is this really about the Facebook incident? Was the letter writer wrong to look up the picture? What's happening here? And is this break a breakup? Discuss.

– Meredith



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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
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Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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