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How could she let this go?

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  August 6, 2013 08:23 AM

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Q: My ex and I started dating last year after meeting through a mutual friend. Sparks flew almost instantly. She opened me up to so many things and we fell in love not long after. She talked about long-term ideas for us, and we both embraced that possibility. We met each other's families and went on vacations, but as we approached the eight-month point, everything changed.

She had been on a trip and called me to tell me she was pregnant. I told her that I supported whatever she wanted to do, and upon her return we decided together that the best solution for our future was to have an abortion. But things never recovered. I could see that she had changed in her demeanor and ultimately she asked for some time to think things over. Then she broke up with me.

She claims that it was unrelated to the pregnancy and that it merely made her think about who she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. She concluded it was not me, but she couldn't give me anything else to go off of. I feel like we were too early in the relationship to know for sure whether we were to spend the rest of our lives together, but that we were moving toward that.

I can't help but think that the pregnancy was just something negative that she couldn't get past and picked flight over fight.

I've tried to argue that we still had time to grow and get past this hurdle together to potentially wind up stronger in the end, but to no avail.

I guess my question is: Do you see any hope in her response, or should I just let things go? If there was truly nothing wrong with me or us like she said, then how could she just terminate our relationship like that?

Thanks.

– 227 Days of X, Outside of New England


A: I can't tell you what caused the breakup. It's possible that she wanted to distance herself from the abortion. It's also possible that she articulated herself quite well, and that the breakup is simply the result of her realizing that she doesn't want to marry you.

The thing is, it sort of doesn't matter why she ran. All that matters is how you deal with her decision. You already made your case and told her that you want to make this work. I love that you did that -- but now you have to let go. Sometimes relationships end for no understandable reason. And you have to remember that at eight months, you were still getting to know her. Now you know that she's not right for you. Because you want to be with someone who sticks around to make things work. She failed that test.

As you mourn this relationship and allow yourself to let go, please know that you're also getting over the stress of the abortion. She went through a lot with that decision, but so did you. If you need to talk to someone about how it all went down, please do.

Readers? Why did she run? Is he inflating her importance? How can he make sense of the end of this relationship?

– Meredith



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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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