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Should I reach out to his fiancee?

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  August 9, 2013 08:22 AM

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Q: Dear Meredith

I was seeing a man for over a year who told me that I was "the prettiest girl he'd ever seen," that he loved me, wanted children with me, etc. Then I discovered he was cheating on me with not just one other woman but several other women. I broke things off with him. I was devastated. I couldn't eat, became very underweight, was crying all the time, and now I am spending a small fortune on therapy to help me deal with the huge betrayal and loss of someone I realize I never really knew at all.

Now, six months later, he is engaged to one of the women he was seeing behind my back. She is also pregnant and has two very young children from a previous marriage.

My question: Should I tell her what I know?

I have kept quiet because of the children and the one on the way. What is the best thing to do?

– Should I Tell, Boston


A: Stay out of it. For all you know, this woman knows everything. For all you know, she doesn't care.

This guy is going to continue to make choices that affect people, for better and worse. You can't spend your time policing him.

You must use all of your energy to take care of yourself. After all, you got rid of him so that you could heal and move on. Calling this woman won't help you let this go. You need to make peace with the fact that his actions are out of your hands, and that the rest of his life is none of your business.

Celebrate the fact that this isn't your problem anymore. Don't put yourself in the middle this mess.

Readers? Does she have an obligation to contact this woman? What can she do to help herself? Discuss.

– Meredith



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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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