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Why won't he break up with his girlfriend?

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  August 30, 2013 08:25 AM

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Q: Dear Meredith,

I recently became friends with a guy who has a girlfriend. They have been together for a year and he lives with her. But he and I just click. We have similar senses of humor, we get each other, we enjoy the same hobbies, etc. I am also very attracted to him and I know he is attracted to me as well. We have never been romantic except for giving each other hugs when we see each other. Although he said he would like to kiss me, he will never cheat on his girlfriend, so nothing has happened between us. He is always coming to me with his girlfriend problems saying she is not caring, never listens to him, is all about herself, etc. He likes being with me because I listen, I understand him, am caring, etc.

Our "relationship" has progressed to us talking to each other many times a day -- either by text, in person, or on the phone. He basically calls or comes to see me when he is not with her. Well, I just put a stop to it and told him that we cannot continue doing what we are doing. It is not fair to his girlfriend or to me. There's just one problem -- I can't stop thinking about him. I don't feel like he has a good relationship with his girlfriend and frankly don't think they are a good match. Why is he still with her if he likes being with me more? I don't want to be the cause of them breaking up but I do care about him.

What should I do?

– PeanutGirl, Chicago


A: You should do ... nothing. You already did what you should do. I understand that you're still thinking about him, but that will fade over time. It'll help if allow yourself to get angry. I mean, he had an emotional affair with you and led you on for a long time. He was cowardly and selfish and he never put you first. Get annoyed.

I can't tell you why he stays with his girlfriend if he's not happy, and I have no idea why he let you go. All I know is that you did the right thing. "It is not fair to his girlfriend or to me." So true.

You're thinking about him all of the time because this is basically a breakup. Mourn the loss of the relationship and get mad, and I promise that you'll eventually be ready to meet someone else. Someone worthy. Someone single.

Readers? Why didn’t this guy break up with his girlfriend? Will he? How can the letter writer stop thinking about him? Help.

– Meredith



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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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