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He needs time away from me

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  September 17, 2013 12:01 AM

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"New Girl" star Lamorne Morris was recently in town to do a chat on Boston.com. While he was in the office, I asked him to answer some Love Letters. I picked three for him, so we'll run those letters (and his video answers) through Thursday. Enjoy. He was very fun. Right up there with Milan Lucic.


Q: Hi Meredith,

I stumbled upon your page as I was trying to find answers as to why my boyfriend of two years, whom I was living with, needed time alone. You see, about two weeks ago he came home from work and said "I'm just not happy -- I need some time alone to think." He said that he had not felt happy for some time now. I immediately moved out because he wanted his space. A week after, we met face to face and he asked me to be more social with his friends, which of course I agreed to do.

The following day we spend the day together and it was great. This was on Saturday. We had agreed to see each other on Sunday but instead decided to hang out on Monday. When I called him on Sunday he didn't pick up, but instead he texted that he was sorry that he still felt strange and that he still needed time alone. We agreed to not speak till October 1st and that on that day we would meet and talk to see if he wants to work things out. He says he still loves me and would like to work things out eventually, I guess. This all feels very strange to me. Do people do this? What does time mean? We had so many plans for the future. What should I do next?

– Help, Miami


A: It's time to start preparing for life on your own. Find a good place to live. Reach out to friends. Make some plans.

Because really, even if he's desperate to get back together on Oct. 1, will you be able to trust his instincts? Do you want to move back in with him and just hope that he knows what he's talking about?

I don't know why he hasn't been happy, and I have no idea what he expects to learn from this space. All I know is that the fate of your relationship isn't up to him alone. You have a say in your future, and I'm not convinced that you really want to stay with someone who puts you off like this. You're supposed to talk to your significant other about how you feel, not surprise them with your unhappiness and then ask them to wait around while you figure out what's next.

Regardless of what he says on Oct. 1, you can't go back to what you were. Use this time to set up an independent life and to think about what you need to feel confident in a relationship. After two years, you should be partners, but he's making decisions for himself. You're allowed to walk away on your own terms.

Readers? What’s happening here? Do people do this? What should the letter writer do until Oct. 1? Should the LW go back to him even if that's what he wants? Help.

– Meredith



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ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

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