Q: Hi Meredith,
I need your advice. I have been dating a guy for two months. I met him on a dating website. We have a great time together, we have great conversations, we're very passionate towards each other, etc. We are sexually exclusive, but we never had the "talk" about dating exclusively. Things seem to be going well, and we've talked about future trips. Furthermore, he has mentioned he's not a serial dater, so I assume he's not seeing someone else.
Last week, we saw each other five times in a week, but this week has been the total opposite. I could feel something is not right. He never asked to see me or initiate contact. He did send me a text saying "I don't want you to think I'm ignoring you. I've just been a little antisocial, wanting some personal time the past few days." I responded saying, "I understand, hope you're getting some R&R." Afterwards, he never responded. The next day I texted him asking if he was OK, and said that I hope everything is alright. He said, "Let's get together and chat next time you're in the city," which would be in a few days. (He lives in NY.)
When I read he wanted to "chat," my heart dropped. In my opinion, it's just as bad as "we need to talk."
In the meantime, I don't know what to think. Am I jumping to conclusions that it's something negative like he wants to end things? What could he want to chat about? I'm very confused. To give some background information, he is a lawyer and has been working a lot. I'm assuming that maybe he will mention this and end things? Any advice will help. Thank you in advance.
– Love Advice Needed, NJ
A: I'm not a mind reader, so I don't know what this guy is going to say. But I want you to keep this relationship in perspective. You've only been with him for two months, which means that you're still figuring out whether he has potential. You had five dates in a week (that's a lot) and then he asked for a tiny bit of space (which you didn't quite give him). I must quote Lloyd Dobler and say, "You must chill." Easier said than done, I know.
The good news is that this guy has been clear about his intentions from the start. He's been honest about your status, even checking in to tell you that he wouldn't be checking in. It's not as though you're with someone who won't give you answers. This guy is willing to talk and explain. Get yourself to the city to find out what's what -- and try to remind yourself that no matter what happens, you'll be OK.
Readers? Must she chill? Is she about to hear bad news? Was the five-dates-in-a-row thing a bad idea? Help
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Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.