< Back to front page Text size +

Christmas updates

Posted by Meredith Goldstein  December 25, 2013 08:43 AM

E-mail this article

Invalid E-mail address
Invalid E-mail address

Sending your article

Merry Christmas. Today we have updates from three recent letter writers.

The first is from the letter writer who couldn't let go of Jason.

After reading your advice and the comments of the readers, I realized that you were right and I had only been lying to myself about my situation. I haven't been in contact with "Jason" since I wrote to you in May/June and he hasn't tried to contact me -- big surprise. I gradually stopped thinking about him and my feelings for him faded. I am now in a happy relationship with someone who made me realize that I deserve better, and I have you to thank for giving me the hard reality that I needed to move on. I wish him well, whatever he's doing.

Next we have an update from someone who was in a gray area.

First off, thank you so much for running my letter. The feedback was pretty great for the most part.

So after I wrote in to you and the readers, I took some time to reflect on what I really wanted and what I was currently getting. When I sat down face to face with him to tell him I couldn't do this (whatever it was that we were doing) anymore, he ended up getting way more upset than anticipated and actually opened up to me about his feelings, us, and what he wanted. So I stuck around for a little bit longer. Things started to progress and get better. Though after a few weeks of him showing more affection, initiating, and getting together much more, things started to fall apart. We eventually ended things -- amicably. I think we both meant something special to one another, but it just wasn't working. Not sure it ever really did. We were both extremely sad to let go and walk away, but it was something we both needed to do for ourselves. I may not be thrilled about the decision we made, but I have no regrets. I'm getting better and better each day as I focus on creating the life I want for myself job-wise, location-wise, etc.

Thank you to both you and the readers for comments that I needed to see for myself. I'm totally going to enjoy my 27th year and not worry so darn much about who should do what and how it should go.

- Gray Area no longer. It's Black and White these days, Massachusetts

And finally an update from someone who was dealing with sexy texts. She thanks a specific commenter in this update.

Hi Meredith,

I read every one of the comments, and many were helpful, but particularly one from "N1k" on the last page. I used a message very similar to that when I texted the friend, because it's how we talk to each other. It was awkward but I think it got the point across.

Things have been relatively normal. I have lost my best friend, which was really sad for me for awhile, but it was all mixed in with realizing that maybe he wasn't and didn't consider himself as close a friend to me as I thought of him. It wasn't a big groundbreaking event, just a fading away of contact. I tried to get together for lunch a few times but he was always busy, so I didn't press it. It was bad while it's happening but I'm OK now.

As for all of the comments about me being naive, my filthy cheating heart, etc. -- maybe naive, but no to the cheating. I have never cheated on my husband, and the commenters can take this as they like, but I have really never had any type of romantic physical contact with the former friend. When I said that this has happened to me in the past, it has happened twice -- both times I had no physical contact with the men, and both times I was really taken by surprise.

To the commenters: I can't promise anything, but I'd say it's pretty likely not every person who writes in is a horrible, unfaithful, jealous harpy with deception in their heart. Not everyone is that bad; some of us are just not thinking clearly as we are clouded by the situation. I love my husband very much, and I had and have no designs on betraying my husband with my former friend.

I am very happy with my marriage, happy in my life, and happy I wrote in, despite the doomsayers. Whoever bet that I would be unfaithful by Labor Day had better pay up! Thank you for the advice and thank you to the commenters!

-Red in the Face

E-mail this article

Invalid E-mail address
Invalid E-mail address

Sending your article

 
ABOUT LOVE LETTERS: Welcome to Love Letters, the place for love advice (giving and getting). Globe relationship columnist Meredith Goldstein and Boston.com readers are ready to take your letters and tell you what's what. Have a question? Click here to submit or email us at loveletters@boston.com.
Blogger Meredith Goldstein

Meredith Goldstein is a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment. She offers daily advice on Love Letters — and welcomes your comments. Meredith is also the author of "The Singles," a novel about complicated relationships. Follow Meredith at www.meredithgoldstein.netand on Twitter. Love Letters can be found in the print edition of The Boston Globe every Saturday in the G section.

Ask us a question

Required
Required
archives